Deef
neurotics have death anxiety,
while
psychotics have life anxiety
I still haven’t figured out differences between schizoid & psychosis, they’re in similar territory…. but there are differences….
maybe schizoid is more of a way of engaging/interacting/relating… while psychosis is more of a location or lack of location?? or just pure absence, non-selfing?
So…. neurotics are oriented with death anxiety that defines their scapegoat of death, with over fixation with life…
maybe it’s more accurate to say
schizoids are more oriented with life anxiety, defining social interactions and left brain categories and order which allows more life and interaction… that’s their enemy… and then they have fixations with death, that’s expressed as rabbit hole merges, along with alternate realities….
psychotics might be schizoids that have fall into a rabbit hole.. or the rabbit hole becomes their self?? ergo… rabbit hole is pure chaos and pure potential… so that gets expressed as God or source energy?
simplify it down…..
path of more living (libido) might be aggression = stepping forward
path of more dying (change) might be surrender = falling in
perversions:
Clinging to life = neurotics who twist language to consume more life (fun, joy, happiness) with narrative, stories and fantasy to fight off death…
Clinging to death = schizoids who have engulfment anxiety, and terrified of intrusive thoughts… need a lot of space… and that’s all ways to fight off life (connection & rejection - or compliance/defiance/will)? by clinging onto aspects of death - it’s a oneness experience? return to source? the void, emptiness, bliss? Both a black hole & white hole, that zero point dot at the center of the torus & universe and everything.. where there is both everything and nothing.
……
maybe life anxiety has been mapped out a little with social anxiety, misanthropy, anhedonia, etc.
But upside of death, dying, decay, mortality, chaos, destruction, endings, etc. that’s been scapegoated as all bad by death anxiety neurotics… that there’s less mapping…. oh… and by it’s essential nature, death is in the territory of the mystery and is ineffable… beyond definitions?
path of more dying (change) might be surrender = falling in
Maybe clinging to death is the territory of radical acceptance and living in grace?
these are more verbs vs nouns,
it might be inherently
more wave vs a particle.
more spirit vs material
more empty vs full
more dark vs light
more non-definable vs defined
Possibly the pointer death cult might be close?
Deef it’s linked to our sense of time
Time scale and transcendent time might be another way to get close to describing the death side?
Living is defined by being trapped in time, organizing our memories in structure of past present future… that’s our shared conscious reality, we’re all in this same forward movement of time… progressing…
that’s 3d life?
spiritual realm is sometimes referred to 4th dimension? or higher ones? that’d be ways of existence or imagination that’s not trapped by conscious shared time…. past present future…. in higher dimensions, all time frames might be able to experienced at the same time, or one tiny time frame can be seen as infinite time??
I’m guessing psychedelic drug experiences have aspects of this?
So what if schizoids with their life anxiety bias, also find time restrictive and confusing… and the most threatening is shared real time present moment with another person…. that triggers engulfment anxiety & threat of intrusive thoughts… but it could also be real time is foreign, or their practical scapegoat fixation for anti-life stance…
That might be why our case study here has been sending lots of video clips with fantasy enactments of violent engagements… he can’t tell it’s different from reality… and that the actor isn’t him… and the victim or target of that video isn’t me… that might be linked to his sense of time….
timing might be a core tool of reality testing… how we recognize conscious waking states.. vs dream states…. if we communicate and interact with other people, beings and physical reality things… that feedback, relationship and interaction, gives us a sense of time, and shared time when it’s amplified with more coordination of other beings….
So….. schizoids might be threatened by shared time, present moment… now… it also includes intense emotions in the now… it’s also aggression….. which is energy of stepping forward in real time… and also defining your life, finding boundaries and edges of time and your power….
Aggression could also symbolize pure libido life force creation….
our neurotic side is trying to shape that life force into structures, creations, story line, narratives, projects, etc….
schizoids aggression might just be pure life force without a self narrative and structure to contain it and make it predictable for others…. and their bias for death and anti-life posture…. would naturally direct that raw unfiltered aggression towards destruction and pushing limits towards death….
….. oh to simplify it…. surrender, grace, acceptance, falling in, etc… might all just be grief and grieving skills… while that’s contrasted with aggression and anger….. so it’s just angry baby & sad baby..
Which one comes first….
those who are anxious about death, use angry baby to get more stuff for living, and often neglect their sad baby….
vs
those who are anxious about living… express and obsess over sad baby with heart break, isolation, forcing and acting out rejection constantly…. and use angry baby to trigger more sadness in theirs and other’s lives….
People are terrified and confused about schizoids cuz they have lots of passive aggression…. but it ends up just sharing lots of grief with themselves and others… that has no resolution… because the driver is sad baby… who only knows how to be sad and stay sad…..
angry baby is the one who can tap into aggression and take steps forward…. if schizoids put a cap on their aggression constantly…. then that means more sad baby and shared grief goes around…
the skill of aggression gets weaker and weaker from lack of use.. atrophy… so they’ve disabled their ability step forward….
ergo passive aggression… need to suck off other people’s will… to get them into motion…..
but their sad baby is all consuming and will turn it into a shared grief experience….
…. ok.. running out of steam here…. there are a few other threads I’m playing with.. but think this post has gone already too deep…