2 components also have a hidden 3rd component of losing language, failure to repair story, social exile.
you’re disturbing me [Autonomy fail]
you’re making me feel incompetent [Competence/Agency fail]
Fuck you! (Judgment, Disgust, Exile you) [Relatedness fail]
Another framing of 3 components, and I think why the cycle continues.. is #3 is JUDGMENT and BLAME, social sanction, social conformity demand, emotional cut-off, attack the messenger, Setting a boundary -
BUT this is THE TRAP!!! It reinforces victimhood stance, external locus of control, and keeps trauma story (I am helpless to contain my negative emotions) cycle going.
The world is dangerous. Negative feelings make my world fall apart. Trauma is too much to witness or bear.
Instead of the easy out of #3 Blame a 3rd party…
- Stay curious & Investigate #1 Disturbance of my story of Autonomy
- (What can I learn from this? Where is there room for my self improvement? Self assessment cue.)
- Expand awareness #2 Guilt & Shame
- (How much of this experience is from my emotional flashbacks and internal triggers?)
- (What’s going on inside?)
opps… did I already explore this territory but maybe framed it too narrowly within emotional manipulation?
Inspired from physical chronic pain model which I’m arguing mirrors psychological & emotional pain
Judgment & interpretation is the mechanism to block feelings, pain, and traumatic emotional flashbacks.
BUT it also traps you in the cycle of repetition compulsion and trauma bonding.