steveoscar yes I feel exhausted both emotionally and psychically. I think I have serious depression. But my life is incredibly futile and terrible and I haven’t met any of my goals or potential so I’m not surprised why. I do believe my mum is a narcissist. It explains why for so many years I haven’t done anything and almost played dead. It’s some weird disassociation thing. I completely cut off my real life and got obsessed with the internet as some way to cope with the situation. Now it’s just how to get away and how do I get my agency back and my life back to a somewhat more normal life. Rn it’s anything but .I think my mum is a covert who slowly cut off my ability to have self-agency. Subtly making me feel incapable of doing anything for myself to the point I just gave up on life. I wish I could get away and go no contact, I have been told to do that by a narcissist expert I’m currently talking to. But it’s impossible when your financially in a really terrible place. I don’t even have a car, crazy!! 😤 but I feel she somehow wanted this for me. as whenever I try and put my foot down or say I need to move out for my own sanity she takes it as some personal attack. when it’s completely normal to not wanna live at home as an adult. She has an unhealthy relationship with me and she almost sees me as a freind and it’s so messed up. She reminds me kinda of dr Ramani, the type who pretends they are really kind and good nature but has limited emotional intelligence and is somewhat detached from life in general. Really weird. But she always uses my memory loss and adhd symptoms as an excuse to constantly put me down and cut away at my self esteem it’s subtle and not obviously abusive more like passive agressive. Which has often made me doubt if she’s a narcissist or not cause she’s not the most outright abusive person she comes of as altruistic. But something doesn’t feel right about her for sure…
My dad was kinda crazy and abusive do it could be she’s just numbed out her emotions after having to deal with him. I don’t know. The lady I talk to about this the councillor cannot seem to work her out either. Very confusing.,