Revisiting Attachment theory & relationship manipulation with a more evolutionary, biological hormone/drive, core needs and survival instincts reframe.
6 core needs broken down into 2 social status & survival games
- Significance & Status
- Belonging & Reputation
12/2/21 The Belonging Dominance Game introduction 1h24m
Linked to core emotions of disgust and anger, the combination of which lands in the territory of resentment, a common unexplored territory & unresolved emotion for codependents:
What if RESENTMENT is THE Codependent’s SUPER POWER?? 3m33s
And resentment might be the fuel that keeps the fawn self & trauma bond repetition compulsion constant ongoing life??
The Brilliance of Codependent FAWN SELF!! The biggest CON job! 3m36s
Further resources:
Mike Martin - Why We Fight 48m26s
Will Storr - The Status Game 59m
…. next steps:
mapping out the landscape of the social belonging game and how manipulators use it against codependents, along with discovering tactics and skills to offer codependents ways to defend themselves and also fight back!!!
1m55s
if you’re obsessed by memories of the past more than 18mo old
and most of those are negative so anxiety provoking
then there’s a lot of you that’s stuck in the past
and what that means is you didn’t map the territory well enough
and the parts of your brain that are alarm systems anxiety systems are saying
no! no! There’s holes in the way you’re looking at the world
- you fell in them once
- you don’t know where they are
- you don’t know how to fill them
- you don’t know how to walk around them
- you can’t forget them
- you’re stuck back there
your body is still reacting as if there’s an emergency that could happen again, that you haven’t fixed
…
the alarm system doesn’t care,
like when your smoke detector goes off, it isn’t relevant whether it was your fault
the smoke detector just says house is on fire and that’s a bad thing
your anxiety systems are like that
if they’re tagging old memories with anxiety
then you have to do something about it or you will be tortured by those memories forever
I’d argue that Jordan’s description of Anxiety & being stuck past trauma here is about social belonging injuries! The issue is your social map of the world needs updating (beliefs & assumptions) and your social skills protect yourself from harm in the belonging game needs some training & reps.
Similar exploration but with link to childhood trauma by Jordan Peterson 3m03s
to be continued …