Richard Grannon clips & content tracker

Deef

Place to share and comment on favorite, interesting or recent Richard Grannon related content.

I think this is a classic, and not that lengthy at under 18min

Codependency is a state of being broken boundaried, highly emotionally dysregulated, and having a neurotic trauma-based response to stress and challenges (especially to emotional vulnerability and intimacy).

here’s what codependency is in a nutshell
let me let me say this loud and cloud so everybody gets it

it’s a neurotic drive to serve based on a terror of negative emotions.

not choice, not lifestyle, not religious practice, not spiritual practice, We are driven, we have no choice, no freedom.
You’re slaves, I’m a slave, codependency keeps us enslaved, this is codependency ladies and gentlemen.

so you are probably terrified of guilt, so you ramp up the pity for your partner, to avoid the feelings of guilt,

Who did that to you?
Most likely a highly selfish highly narcissistic parent, who forced you into that role
and in order to control you they used guilt to invoke toxic shame as much as anything else
and now as an adult you’re fighting like not to feel guilt but unconscious level you’re still trying to win the love of somebody who is fundamentally not there, who’s fundamentally abusive, who’s fundamentally very very selfish

and my transcript of it @ https://bit.ly/3ejIi5T

Nic

Deef Incredibly insightful recap; we discussed codependency at Saturday’s meeting. I personally think this is an overview that’s easy to understand/digest. Appreciate how there is a differentiation between codependency and a healthy desire to help others, serve, etc. It is sinking in…..

Deef

The thread continues for public consumption, opinions and feedback… What does the crowd think that happened?? I’ll put my words, behaviors, arguments at the mercy of the public.

Somehow I’m reminded of the first post in the RG thread of which I still think is a classic:

Deef
RG: here’s what codependency is in a nutshell:

it’s a neurotic drive to serve based on a terror of negative emotions.

not choice, not lifestyle, not religious practice, not spiritual practice, We are driven, we have no choice, no freedom.
You’re slaves, I’m a slave, codependency keeps us enslaved, this is codependency ladies and gentlemen.

so you are probably terrified of guilt, so you ramp up the pity for your partner, to avoid the feelings of guilt,

my transcript of full talk @ https://bit.ly/3ejIi5T

and core excerpt from that talk:
1m42s

So…. if codependency is a neurotic drive to serve based on terror of negative emotions.
I’d argue that counterdependency is a neurotic drive to demand based on terror of negative emotions.

Both are similar as life circles around negative emotions… but if behavior patterns is more about demanding from others, instead of people pleasing serving others… then it’s more counter-dependence…

Congrats to harsh boundary setters out there. You’re no longer co-dependent… You can sorta say you’ve healed… because you are no longer serving….

but.. healing from counter-dependence… that’s different territory… not sure if I can help people grow out of that…
Countering others with externalized critic and projections, that works in society.. that gives one feelings having power over others or the world.. that’s a good counter-balance to terror of negative emotions…

Who in their right mind, would give up dominating countering strategies, and willingly allow negative emotions in their world? When they’re so damn good at displacing it externally, disowning and dumping it onto others, or even getting others to act out their negative emotions.. That strategy works… it might a bit isolating, lonely and depressing at times but then you just need to find some new fresh blood to project onto..

Newbie

Deef I’m just curious because I’m not sure if I fully understand this or not yet. I am not able to actually watch all the clips etc that you have posted. I wasn’t sure if anyone else has trouble with some? There was another post I was curious about I’ll have to find it again so I don’t misquote it but I believe you were referencing “archons”? I may be saying that wrong. Anyway. With all of the scary stories now about therapy I think I’d prefer sticking with self help and some taught therapy methods I can do on my own. I started the book (Rape of the Mind) I’m listening to it through audio because I can walk around and do life while I’m being read to lol but I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts about the book? I saw someone mention it somewhere else and I thought it was interesting (though of course disturbing). I’m getting better at navigating here (I think) lol

Deef

Grannon has gone to 3 different therapists in his healing journey, 1 of them was a narcissism expert who ended up being a narcissist & psychopath herself!
14s clip

5 min clip from Tentacle Croissant back in Apr 29, 2020

then he said quite dismissively and abruptly No, actually the trauma is when you realize that nobody gives a fuck

Oh shit! So I went through this breakup, my friends didn’t care, my family didn’t care,
I couldn’t pay a psychologist to care,
I did pay psychologists to care, some of them laughed at me, literally
I had a woman psychologist, and I said I wanted to discuss narcissistic abuse, I want to discuss CPTSD with you and we got to that point in the psychology sessions and she literally started laughing
and I said, why are you laughing whenever we talk about covert narcissistic abuse?
she said “Well it doesn’t exist” … and I was like hold up, like you know what I do for a living
I asked you if you were aware of this and read the research on it, … you said that you had!
We’re at the point of vulnerability, where I’m actually sharing with you in a session.
You’re laughing in my face, and telling me the thing that I need to discuss with you isn’t real!

So the trauma is in having your reality denied by external

my transcript @ https://bit.ly/2YoBqi5

One more video clip on Trauma is no one cares angle, this particularly on therapist’s rejection (& Grannon as a coach also rejecting) excessive raw traumatic emotions. Taken from his instagram Q&A portion from August 2020, during a weird answer to “Can BPD be healed?” question, that got him to sorta relive some of his unprocessed trauma (EP).

1m07s

When somebody’s doing this, in their emotional dysregulation and they’re up and they’re down and they’re there and they’re da di da dda …

What a lot of clinicians will do is go fucking hell, they’ll recoil, because they’re horrified, they’re disturbed.
This is what psychiatrists and nurses and counselors and therapists, don’t want to tell you is: “You, You disturb them!” Because they’re people, it’s disturbing, I get disturbed,
That’s why, I don’t want to do coaching with people anymore. But I have the honesty to say "I don’t like doing it, I find it disturbing.

When you’re faced with raw emotion, at that level, it’s quite frightening and it doesn’t feel very nice, and it’s also contagious.
And they don’t want it, so it’s a kind of a shunning
They go ughh eww! I don’t want to do it! ehhwwrr, no thank you, no thank you.
So you have manic depressive disorder take this lithium, you have borderline personality disorder, you’re a schizophrenic.
because i just don’t want to deal with this, that you’re presenting me with, and quite frankly i don’t know how to.

so
1) you’re disturbing me and
2) you’re making me feel incompetent!

FUCK You!

And a rare taste of his past relationship abuse & trauma
44 seconds

Lingering signs of resentment and unhealed wounds from past abusive relationships
3m09s

Deef

Deef

1) you’re disturbing me and
2) you’re making me feel incompetent!

Therapists aren’t trained to be Affective Engineers as Bessel van der Kolk mentioned are missing and needed in trauma work. They don’t have the tools to work with raw trauma, or excessive EP’s flooding a person’s consciousness. Not only that, their parts get triggered and attack/judge/shun you as a client, when you’re too honest about your trauma.

I’ve experienced this first hand, seen it first hand. Even mentioning ‘Therapists are dangerous’ in passing to a therapist, triggered her parts and unconscious shame, and she went on full blown attack on me. Later not even recognizing that she was possessed and taken over.

So many therapists totally suck at working with trauma, even ones that specialize in trauma work.

Deef

Deef Grannon has gone to 3 different therapists in his healing journey

Here’s a recent clip from Ross Rosenberg about bad therapists out there
1m12s

Typical psychotherapy, cognitive behavioral treatment techniques do not work when you have a trauma-based disorder in which the roots are unconscious or disassociated.

and i say that because around 95 percent of the clients that I see now have been in therapy for great lengths, multiple times and never had any of that therapy impacted their codependency or sldd
… It’s that they didn’t understand the problem of what i call self-love deficit disorder and its origins

It all begins with attachment trauma, the root cause. This often occurs when a child is raised by a narcissistic parent who does not allow them to feel loved, respected, cared for, and safe. Love is merely conditional and judgmental.

This trauma is then responsible for causing core shame. It is a distorted belief of being fundamentally bad or flawed. Such toxic shame reduces a person to feeling only good when they take care of others, while ignoring themselves.

Loving someone, while being invisible creates pathological loneliness. Deep bone aching emotional pain. This is the excruciating SLDD addiction withdraw pain that reduces one to feeling invisible, worthless, and unlovable.

The pain of it is simply unbearable, hence the person with SLDD is uniquely prone to codependency addiction which is the desperate need of a relationship that will make the lonely pain go away. The pathologically narcissistic romantic interest becomes their drug of choice which never remedies their loneliness and lifelong pursuit of love.
https://www.selfloverecovery.com/pages/introduction-to-self-love-deficit-disorder-and-self-love-abundance

Deef

now onto some recent stuff.

From last week Tentacle Croissant

We are going through a collective dissociation, I totally agree this is a serious societal issue, but even though they recognize it, they’re also getting lost in dissociation while talking about it.
35s

and it’s not just collective dissociation. This new digital medium of communication is destroying our brain’s natural capacity to make sense of things and put things in long term memory. All these vivid experiences without time markers and real life high touch interactions, keeps us in a dreamlike dissociative state

3m06s

Deef

1hour 51min

old link now privated (May 2021)

here’s some rough time markers of other notable sections:

2m Abandonment Terror
30m Professional victims - no horizontal interactions
47m our culture has gone BPD
68m BPD prefer pity (I’d say codependents also like pity)
1hr38m CPTSD adrenaline surges in excess, only supposed to have a few and for short period of time

Excerpt clip from NYE’s reference quote at 39m30s

It’s like shoving your head in a washing machine that’s full of LSD and tarantulas on a high spin cycle

21s

Excerpt clip of 9m Statue on a Shelf metaphor & 13m Constantly falling

3m19s

Best button pushers! from 34m

1m21s

40s

NYE

“It’s like putting your head in a washing machine full of LSD and tarantulas while it’s on a high-speed spin cycle. ”

quote from approx 39m30s in BPD video above

Sounds lovely!

NYE

Just watched “Trauma is from Society who doesn’t care about your pain and dismisses it.” . . . dis . . . assoc. . . iating. . .

Wow. So true. I dropped my previous therapist when I realized he couldn’t grasp the depth of my trauma because he hadn’t experienced narcissistic/borderline abuse.

Deef

Revisiting this on Anti-NPD red pills, metaphor comparison of book/movie No Country for Old Men, and perceptual filers broken.

57m Full version, shorter excerpts & related clips further down

No country for old men, it’s a deconstruction of our hero mythology that is fundamentally narcissistic
Our hero mythology tradition is an exercise in narcissism, megalomania and ego strokery.
You hear the stories of great heroes and you put yourself in that role and everything works out well for the hero
…
no country for old men deconstructs several ideas that are narcissistic and dangerous
… all hope is effectively toxic, the narcissistic hope that everything will be okay, when in the real world it isn’t
… the idea our notion of order, that we can passively wait and everything will just return to order

My in process transcript link, to help break it down and digest it all.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/192oUw2LjnfQBlWeiJZhYhc9TVSUNxX4GUzKNsDxeeHA/edit?usp=sharing

1m13s No Country for Old Men - criticizing storytelling & narcissism of the audience

Does it serve you to believe magically that everything will be okay? When in the real world, it isn’t?

The idea of order, that we can passively wait and everything will just return to order, is deeply challenged
good guys and good girls win no no
there will be after all this suffering a great resolution no
it’s way more real life than that
and when all is said and done
you’re left not with a bang, but a whimper and, you’re left with more questions than answers
that’s a very discomforting film, it’s a very disturbing film
because of that meta narrative style that it adopts
which is it’s almost a story about storytelling and criticizing storytelling

And in criticizing that storytelling making commentary about narcissism but it’s the narcissism of the audience

1m30s Addiction to the Hero Story

44s Antidote to Self Glorifying Fantasy

59s I’d rather choose reality over dreamland

1m02s Antidote to Arrogance

1m30s Some codependents are too arrogant 1m30s

1m05s Antidote to Entitlement

1m23s Antidote to Grandiosity

1m35s Antidote to Neediness

1m45s Antidote to Interpersonally Exploitative

1m0s You can’t stand up for yourself without a Self

1m04s Knowing is NOT enough

Deef

and I need to review this and refine the transcript, I sense there’s some potential juicy clips for explaining introjects and super-ego dynamic in here

30min

old link now private?

3m22

you get with somebody who has narcissism, they will inflame every single one of those old wounds
one of the most pernicious nastiest and hardest to heal elements of this
is they will trigger a cascading series of emotional flashbacks in you and
they’ll trigger a cascading series of negative injunctions from the superego within you

When you’re a child people tell you stuff
the members of your tribe will say to you: “Don’t eat that berry you’ll die”
“you can eat this fish, it’s tasty, and this is how we attract a member of the opposite sex”
There is the shaman he’s going to tell you that we came from the stars and what our purpose on life is
so you’re receiving information and it goes into the recording device that I’m calling the other people part

When you were a child the other people part is very on very open and it’s just sucking up data

and Sam Vaknin recent explanation of healthy & strong ego function vs weak ego of narcissist
7min

the ego remembers, evaluates, plans, responds to the world and acts in the world and on the world
it is a locus of the executive functions of the personality
the ego integrates the inner world with the outer world with reality

it also integrates and mediates between the id with the superego

the id is kind of the seat of all the primordial drives hungers like sex

the id is a savage he wants sex now in the middle of a restaurant
-

the superego is your conscience. These are the voices, the introjects of meaningful others

who tell you what’s wrong and what’s right; through the process of socialization; your inner critic

the superego is the one who chastises you and criticizes you

and humiliates you if he’s sadistic; you did wrong, it was wrong of you to have done this

the ego tries to survive somehow in the middle … it is a very busy body

work in progress google doc - transcript: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_dS0Ojs2q9CuBY64XxT3cEC2Uvaub6aeCaux8CKNojk/edit?usp=sharing

Deef

Excerpts from his recent emotional incest pt1 and pt2
videos from Dec 4th

39s

48s

24s

Deef

More recent new content that I haven’t gotten around to watching.

1hr11m

30m

This was recommended by Grannon
12m

and I don’t track Vaknin as closely, but this is on my list to watch and breakdown
1hr32m

I propose that, from an early age we relate to the world (external objects)
and regulate internal objects using three processes, not two:
dissociation (to cope with traumas),
cognitions, and emotions are arranged in contextualized narrative memories:
traumas overwrite cognitions and emotions with new content (Schnider’s silencing).

Traumas and the language of dissociation comprise the unconscious.
Psychological defenses are associated with

cognitions (rationalization),

emotions (denial, projection),

trauma (repression).

Deef

Deef
Caught up with Grannon’s recent content, still need to visit Vaknin’s stuff.. Here’s some highlights from Grannon’s vids:

50s

22s

36s

50s

2m10s

37s

44s

43s

Emotional Validation exercise is just 3 steps

You say you had feelings, and describe where and when.

You validate your feelings, Give yourself permission for feelings. "“It’s good that I feel feelings”"

Break down your feelings into: That felt good or that felt bad.

Deef

One more from Grannon, though this is short/medium in length.

23m36s

“Political correctness is communist propaganda writ small. In my study of communist societies,
I came to the conclusion that the purpose of communist propaganda
was not to persuade or convince, nor to inform, but to humiliate;
and therefore, the less it corresponded to reality the better.

When people are forced to remain silent when they are being told the most obvious lies, or even worse when they are forced to repeat the lies themselves, they lose once and for all their sense of probity.
To assent to obvious lies is to co-operate with evil, and in some small way to become evil oneself.
One’s standing to resist anything is thus eroded, and even destroyed.
A society of emasculated liars is easy to control.
I think if you examine political correctness, it has the same effect and is intended to”
Anthony Daniels

Deef

Good new episode of Tentacle Croissant, they covered a lot of themes that the group has also been exploring.
1hr15m

Nice start at the beginning talking about how physical environment and the local culture can have big influence on sense of time and values. Richard noticing his normal over-busy rushed pace, and adjusting to slower pace of Dominican Republic and getting much deeper sleep while there.

Richard gave some fascinating links to origins of Hollywood, many labels directly coming from magical terms.

Hollywood = the holy wood (highly spiritually charged magical relic)
Stars = witches & wizards wore stars and moons on their outfit
Put a glamour on somebody = black magic that binds you to them
Broadcasts = they’re cast broadly, you cast you net as broadly as you can, it’s about binding people magically

The idea of deception = embodying somebody in an illusion
Ritual farm of Hollywood to manifest realities that are spells are casted onto people

excerpt from around 22m25

50m
P- … period of pure hedonism and all of the sudden people start virtue signaling.
RG- Virtue signaling is really posturing, posing. Communication through posturing.

They seemed to think that death of god, as cause of virtue signaling.. I’d link that to similar territory as losing the map for social place and belonging. Similar territory, as religions and local religious communities used to provide a lot of social place in the past. But they make a good point that even without religions, people are still acting out rituals and practices that are very common in old religions. Those religious patterns are archetypes are still in the human dna, whether or not you are officially part of a religious community. Though maybe without the religion, it’s the collective shadow and id that’s leading things now.

Deef

From Grannon’s instagram… back to the basics reminder of his approach:

More of my style/approach -

Emotional containment, self regulation, literacy to empathic mastery (Belonging to Relatedness)
Befriend the superego, less injunctions & more sense making, flip persecutors into protectors (Being to Autonomy)
Make space for deeper self/soul to emerge, shifting from a constructed false self identity towards an emergent/discovered/initiated adult selfing process. (Becoming to Agency)

Outside of the 5 affirmations, the physical practice repeating and touching fingers is a somatic grounding practice, to help with dissociation and try to anchor you back into present moment time.

NYE

I think I’ve hear Vaknin dismiss the notion of narcissists and co-dependents being magnetically drawn to each other, and at the same time he says 95% of the so-called experts on YouTube don’t know what their talking about. I assumed Vaknin was referring to Rosenberg.

Deef

NYE
I’m agree more with Vaknin that the human magnet theory of NPD & CoDep being opposite poles is a bit too simplistic, and I’ve seen other combinations like NPD & BPD, or fragile NPD and an overt NPD.

I’ll give Ross Rosenberg credit for some form of originality for coming up with his original theories of human magnet, and Self Love Deficit Disorder framing.. I am a little disappointed that he’s been very slow to update or adjust his original models (though he did update a 2nd version of his book, which I haven’t compared). Ross does has had some really word salady non-sense videos in the past. Which is either evidence of fragile narcissism, or still not yet healed codependence. But he seems fairly genuine, and isn’t flooding youtube with overly paranoid stuff…

He does seem to have some significant blind spots.. but I do like how he’s included clinical trauma theories and treatment strategies.

NYE mass media fascination with people who are compulsive givers
pathological selflessness that the media is presenting as virtuous.
I’d classify this within virtue signalling. Then place blame on social media amplifying feelings of invisible and lack of place.
And also it’s now a sign of status, I think someone coined it as ‘the altruistic class’, a variation of ‘woke culture’.

Spiritual purity is now in altruism.. and likely just a rehash of puritan origins of America’s founding.

NYE

Lately I’ve been thinking about our mass media fascination with people who are compulsive givers. For example, stories about the “kind” stranger who drives a family 1000 miles so they can be home for the holidays, or the 20 (something)-year old man who marries his high school sweat heart after she’s been diagnosed with incurable cancer. This is pathological selflessness that the media is presenting as virtuous.

I’m also trying to figure out Meghan Markle and where she fits in the world of cluster B disorders.

NYE

The Human Journey
In this recent interview with Bryn of WA REAL,
Bryn asks RG (43:50) the following question:

Bryn: "Do you think going through the [wringer?] of some form of co-dependence?
Then coming out, then realizing it’s now time for me to instill my set of moral values and grounding, . . .
Is that part of the human journey, and it’s just been amped up and the context has changed?"

Grannon: “Yes, the answer is yes.”

Here’s the link:
1hr15m

Deef

Good point.. I have phrased similar observation that trauma and childhood trauma can be pre-mature or early initiations.. Starting people early on the spiritual path or further along on the human journey…
that’s the upside…
but the downside is lost or skipped years of natural childhood development.. oh.. and also guides & witnesses for an earlier form of initiation..