Onnaloves stats on my YouTube and track it’s growth
Thanks for the offer, I’ll keep that resource on the table.. but yes… I think I’m tracking stats and growth of youtube, but I think it was more as a venture, exploration or extension from the meetup & zoom group… exploring it to see if there’s added audience or to get members for meetup or for these forums… don’t think there’s any YT people that have joined meetup, but a couple have discovered this forum…
Anyway… after listening to this week’s Tentacle Croissant, and tracking PierreXO’s recent burn out and frustration (along with tracking a lot of same feelings in my system)…. I’m backing off youtube delusions a bit, and might reframe it as simply a good resource for video sharing and free storage… getting caught up in building a brand, following, revenue, etc. that’s just not in my mindset right now, and it doesn’t play to my strengths or authenticity….
I do think that I might’ve sorta merged a bit too much with collective unconscious of social media.. or maybe felt some of the algorithms attention sucking and time distortion… also similar to rants by PierreXO & Richard the past several weeks…
……
Today was a lot of smaller misc chores outside and slower paced day… maybe a bit of a mental break just handling simpler tasks… though I still messed up some things out of sloppyness…. there is maybe a type of presence, touch and patience when repairing things or doing finishing touches… rushing it along, or forcing things blindly.. doesn’t always work so good…
A take-away from today (along with reflecting Tentacle Croissant this week)…. is that I think I got caught up with too ambitious of a transition plan for post-covid… though it wasn’t a conscious goal in my head… my motions were being pulled with urgency to keep the zoom group expanding or transitioning to podcast/yt/vg forums…. and that sort of drive to keep it alive or at same pace or something… that’s added stress into my system…
But this has also been counter-balanced with awareness that zoom every week for a year has been too exhausting of a pace.. or creative drain…
So… I think I can simply make a more conscious reframe to drop the goal of keeping the zoom group going same pace, or transitioning with continued growth onto other platforms… youtube doesn’t seem to be a good fit.. podcast was mostly done just to offer meetup members a convenience… and forums was to have a place for journaling and a small community is fine enough…
If I have more inspiration or drive I can always invest more into other platforms in the future… but I’ve never really wanted spotlight or large following… being center stage feels awkward, and I don’t have the language skills to woo the masses… I’m more of a disrupter, contrarian, icon blaster, etc.
So… I’ll lower the bar for initial post-covid…. surviving the pandemic along with keeping my mom from catching it.. that’s a win… and running zoom groups weekly for a whole frigging year is another win… and the regulars now are like 85% all new… I’m still sorta sad and peeved that so many of the pre-covid regulars have fallen away.. along with a good amount of earlier covid regulars…
But then again… is a support group supposed to have long term regulars?? there is a normal transitory nature to it… or it can be unhealthy if the group becomes a social addiction (group codependence)… so it’s a bit tricky…
PierreXO also had community building ideals with his YT channel and is frustrated how it’s turned out…. and I resonate with Tony Hsieh’s story, as his Chinese roots had very Confucian ideals of building community and collective creativity, etc.
Some sort of community building, or being part of someone else’s led community building, that might be a better fit for my next step… or something that’s still missing for me…
… now will that be virtual community or in person.. or both? Does it have to be large? or would something tight knit or small be fine… it probably doesn’t have to be that big.. and maybe in person might be a better fit… though I’m still living in area that isn’t conducive for community….
oh.. and when things start opening up again… finding free meeting space and scheduling that logistical headache will come back.. along with materials, supplies, and other in person issues… but that’s still a ways away…
Deef book smart academics use their various language tricks and faulty logic…
Adding onto prior thread on book smarts vs street smarts… Grannon on Tentacle Croissant pointed out a major logical flaw and sloppy science that’s common in today’s argument style..
Deef https://www.visceralgravitas.com/d/39-richard-grannon-clips-content-tracker/71
We seemed to have lost a Sense Of Where The Agency is??
We talk about issues and the Agency Kind Of Floats Like A Ghost On The Ceiling
And we can’t seem to say who’s responsible for this, but we assume that somebody must be.
It is Like A Ghost In The Machine effect, where There Isn’t. There’s Just Us,
But we’re Like Paranoid Delusionals, we think someone’s doing It to us.
People are fucking lazy in over-simplifying the world into linear cause and effect formulas… and will just label anything or anybody as the cause, and almost knee jerk blame this or that… and somehow we allow this faulty stupidity!!
He describes it as a floaty Agency…. and used it to challenge Pierre on why he was feeling trapped, but later on he clarified that his income is tied to his audience, so he is trapped unless he wants to risk his current community dynamic…
This point of assumed agency, is so fucking annoying in Western culture…. and I probably am too much on the other side.. with assumed fate and forever stuckness…. that could be why I get annoyed when people sloppy assume agency, free will, or create stories of other’s conscious motivations and agency….
It’s not so fucking simple as finding who’s at fault.. who’s the primary agent in this scenario.. and then just label him/her, blame them, and then throw an outrage fit to get them to apologize and change behavior to fix whatever effect that fucking crybaby adults are demanding….
Agency isn’t so easy.. getting change done isn’t so easy… and even when it’s done, if it’s implemented stupidly and narrowly, often there’s side effects that are just as bad or worse.. and long term there could be dramatic destruction, that happens because of short sighted idiotic decisions…
… in the bigger scope of things
it might be about sloppy, lazy and idiotic diagnosis of problems…
somehow there’s too much energy and bias on solutions, fixes, prescriptions… and maybe people have boat loads of lists of fixes, clogging up their memory banks…
BUT there’s too little energy and attention spent on evaluating and assessing the problem…. and is there an actual problem in the first fucking place???! are you projecting your bullshit personal unresolved traumas onto the world and other people? and there’s no actual large problem out there….
welll…. grow the fuck up. and stop being a leech on society…
god damn. why are we giving victims so much status… I have to keep holding back my knee-jerk reaction to poke and kick anyone who I sniff out as playing a fake victim card… how come so many others just buy into it so easily?? or maybe I suppose they feel like victims inside too, and that’s more the reason why they call for victim plea bullshit…
I’m a victim too… I get reminded of that all the fucking time… being marginalized between cultures.. perpetual outsider as an asian.. micro-aggressions often…. sure I could see all kinds of infractions on a regular basis, and call them out, get outraged.. and what not.. so fucking what… Asian’s can’t play this game, as we’re invisible in western culture… and Chinese culture promotes humility… and collective sense of self can’t simplify things down into narrow cause and effect in such fast reaction, to pass blame and outrage onto others…. so the victim card game… can’t play that well…
Asian women might play it a bit better.. but even then it’s limited… see how quickly the news has moved on from #stopasianhate focus after the asian spa shootings… lol… Asians are scapegoats of Western society… model minority, and also perpetual outsiders that are easy to make fun of…
…..
I was going to comment more about the amazing diabetic blood sugar roller coaster report from @Fryek recent post… but it’s kinda poor placement right after my rant on victim card…
but his story was genuine, and he’s not asking for special treatment.. or pity. or what not… that’s a more genuine response….
however his story, along with Onnaloves mutism… I sorta fall somewhere in between… I don’t get all the mind altering type states he’s going through…. and while I lose language creativity, I still can respond and interact…
But I can sense when my brain gets worn down and potentially overwhelmed or near shutdown… but I don’t have sugar shot option to reboot my brain when hear shutdown.. and also I don’t know when it might go full tilt.. I sorta sense when it’s tired…
And one of the side effects is my brain goes a bit blank and I lose language options.. or i can’t think of a good response in the moment like I could at other times…. or I’m not fully tracking, digesting, or noticing everything other’s are saying.. I’ll take it at face value, because I don’t have mental bandwidth to expand further… and I also typically default to their framing, even if it’s counter to my world view… (I think this is opposite to how most others react, they typically reject other’s statements if it contradicts a personal belief)..
The upside is that I can easily get lost in raw affect, thought fragments, moods, states, etc… and that allows me to hack and explore things that are often totally invisible to others…
But its done at a slower pace or different time dimension/rhythm than others…. so people can’t relate, don’t get it, can’t make sense of it.. can’t make room for me…
….
ok… 3am here… I wanted to catch up more with other forum posts.. but I might need to call it a night instead… tsk tsk..
….
morning add on edit…
scheduled vaccine shot at hagerstown mass vax site about 1 hour drive away at 11:30am… had to wake up early and will head out shortly… but facebook group has messages of people getting emails and texts rescheduling for Sat.. but so far I’ve got no update.. So I guess I’ll just go with it…
it’s supposedly J&J which is 1 shot, so easier but slightly lower stats… who knows…
