ChantalCEM Jo shows a consistent pattern of bullying everyone around with covered messages. She seems to literally reply to almost everyone on the forum. Looks big investment of time & attention -
to gain what?
I would argue that it’s parasitic, to boost up her ego. Has flavors of fragile narcissism, sidling up to people and joining along like a friend/peer, but then quickly offering hidden demands (constantly) with cheerleading towards a certain thing or negative injunctions away from certain thing…
Reminds me of Vaknin’s description of the Narcissist’s snapshot. They’ll offer positive reinforcement constantly on what they like about the snap shot and reference the target back to that narrow box… But they’ll also offer negative jabs on what they don’t like, you’re too far away from my snapshot…
Now her consistent pattern and energy and effort invested points more towards narcissism vs codependence….
but it’s worth revisiting my day 22 entry visual & description (sorta mapping out both codependent smothering but narcissists are codependent too, so they also smother, but with more of an agenda towards personal supply)
and here’s the text instead of a screen cap:
New theory that’s coming up is linking approval to people pleasing and shame with with-holding love & disapproval (moral high ground & super-ego hijack)
Codependents = people pleasers… who seek what reward & unmet need? → validation and approval
What does approval give people? proof and it also displaces excess disapproval (shame) that’s very common in their childhood history, and in academia.
But there’s a shell game going on, with empty validation and false approval, or approval that doesn’t prove much, or offering a lasting proof (of belonging)
The more accurate unmet need —-> a secure evaluation of social place & belonging aka feeling worthy in the eyes of others.
But…. there’s a trap!! How do codependents motivate themselves and others?? What do they do when covert contracts don’t get reciprocated??? They feel resentment and then use with-holding love to get even..
But when codependents go wild (like Sat’s zoom)… their with-holding love becomes weaponized and externalized as scolding and fierce disapproval (moral outrage)
Reverse engineer the codependent’s external critic of fierce disapproval….
How does an inner critic treat their inner child, to prevent it from acting out??? and also to prevent emotional flashbacks and bad memories which the exiled inner child parts hold??
Codependent’s fester in a constant stew of disapproval… you’re not good enough, but often masked with sugary, empowering, rescuing, fixes type languaging and redefinitions.
Which makes the superego feel like it’s an altruistic human rights advocate… but to the ears of an inner child… the message that’s constantly delivered is…. you don’t matter… you’re not good enough.. (shame & toxic shame).
The new clue and personal insight from Jo’s interaction with me… was her 'I’m so offended' moral outrage was triggering a mental shortcut inside of me:
disapproval towards me = danger = I’m socially at risk
And we’re all probably somewhat hard-wired to place moral outrage attacks at us, as something serious to consider. maybe it’s hard-wired genetically, but I could also see a child senses it as a warning signal that the kid has gone too far.
Whether it’s from a parent, or school authority figure. They raise their tone and energy expression to some level of moral outrage, or just rage type of posturing. And then quickly some sort of social sanction, physical punishment or other restriction of boundary comes falling down.
So it’s adaptive for a child to pay attention to outrage and moral outrage as a precursor signal for impending doom. And then for people pleasers, that’s a non-verbal to cave.
For Narcissists and other’s who have reverse engineered this, they can use it for manipulation, and to get away with stuff. So they get really good at moral outrage but then mask it with with sugary language so it goes un-noticed by peers and others. And they also learn distraction and sandbox jumping tactics, to cover their trail if someone gets close.
Then they can get addicted by the power trip, cuz so many people do have this backdoor security flaw in their social map. So they become even more skilled at using this attack, one dimensionally, but hyper fast, aggressive, and laser focused.
I’m guessing troll attacks also use a similar road map…
….. back to 30dc
Now that we’ve merged with everyone’s unconscious crap, along with our own sharings and discoveries…..
It’s up to us to try to make sense of too much in too short of a time…. (talk about lack of boundaries, for a course that’s supposedly about boundaries!)
I’m guessing a good portion of participants will just go back to old patterns without having a rigid external reminder everyday. While others move onto some next course or fix. The few that try to digest, process, and integrate the experience, that might be the way to get more benefits from it.
I’m currently fascinated by Gestalt’s Cycle of experience, and framework of boundary disturbances…
this video simplifies it down for kids, and the 2nd part describes all the defenses we use to block a complete experience.
4m26s
