This was from early 2021, probably before his psychotic break in Sept 2021 triggered by a relationship with a narcissistic gf and bad breakup….
4m06s
you should be rigorously honest with yourself at all times if with nobody else
and i said okay
i experienced sexual abuse when i was a child numerous times in numerous contexts
one from a grown man
once from a boy of 18 when i was 13 who stalked me and then sexually abused me
and once from a woman who used to take care of me all the time and she abused me and another boy in front of me
but what it did to me was it made me have a very strange relationship with myself and with my shadow with my sexuality
and i became hypersexual
now i will cite adler
i think my effort was to resolve the inferiority complex
that the hypersexualization of my body when i was very very young the first time
i think i would have been six
was to try to conquer sexual energy itself
and i did that through intense promiscuity in my twenties
then i got really badly heartbroken when i was 31 because i met somebody who was even more hypersexual than me and because she was a good-looking 25 year old in a competition of who can shag the most people and who can cause the most heartbreak she won
because that was her power at that age and that was my power at that age
and it devastated me
and the end result of that was that i spent years quite unconsciously being as unattractive as i possibly could so that i wouldn’t get hurt again um this could be it’s like a derivation of reaction formation so
i was exaggerating the extent to which i wanted to be unattractive because i was desperate for love but i’d seen i’d experienced pain through being attractive
and that went right the way back to childhood
so i had a lot going on by the time i was 33
i felt completely useless completely abandoned and completely miserable
and i was in this situation where i was broke
and i did have friends but they treated me strangely because frankly i behaved strangely
i think i would have people always say oh you’re a narcissist and i’m like
i think if i’d gotten clinical diagnoses i would have been a pro social psychopath a factor 2 psychopath somebody who drifts they have no purpose in life extremely emotionally dysregulated very damaged sense of self and a borderline
i would have been a borderline if anything because i’d been addicted to drugs i’d been addicted to sex and then i’d stopped
so i was like a borderline and he’d gone in sort of like a manic five-year cold turkey kind of thing
but nothing was resolved it was just it was just held it was just gripped
i was just gripping everything okay
i don’t know what my 20s was but i’m not doing that again because that was catastrophic
let me stop
and it all started to get better when i just told myself the truth and
i was like okay this doesn’t feel good like people are not treating me lovingly
but i know my intentions are good i know i’m a good person i know that i don’t want to
well i can’t say i know i’m a really good person
i don’t want to hurt anyone i absolutely didn’t want to hurt anyone so i was like again reasoning
are there people out there who want to hurt and dominate and exploit others
yes i’ve met them do i want to do that no i don’t okay
so why am i being treated that way maybe i’m expressing something in myself that generates that reaction in people so that
i think i was in like a repetition compulsion for rejection
so i could experience rejection again and again
which would be classic for somebody with borderline personality disorder
ohhhh… so he shared his childhood sexual abuse on youtube early 2021, so telling it to therapists in late 2021 was NOT the first time he shared it…..
and it seems like his unconscious shadow might be pulling his strings to force others to reject him again and again, now that he’s distracted by the psychotic break from reality…… or he’s just fallen back to his old habits of alcohol, drugs and chasing after girls….
the original video is still up on youtube a live stream from Apr 24, 2021, but on his philosophy channel, and this reveal is sorta masked cuz it’s wrapped around a bunch of other tips and cheerleading of accomplishments.
If he’s describing his breakdown around 31 and 33 years old…. he also described 36 as a frustration point I recall… so maybe he’s never really had a solid period of sobriety and clear living that’s lasted longer than a couple of years?
Here’s a few videos from his philosophy channel fresh after this psychotic break and looks like Pierre was doing the editing….. it’ll offer clues to his mindstate and how he probably quickly claimed victory or dismissed the extent of the psychotic break…
Sept 13, 2021 My Breakdown Showed Me This Brutal Truth About Love & Relationships 11m06s
Sept 25, 2021 How My Breakdown Made Me Rethink Everything About Life 15m24s
Looking back, I think he’s been fairly consistent that he’s always trying to heal and has never really figured it out… but somehow his followers are projecting levels of attainment that he’s never claimed, and maybe more accurately is that he constantly falls short…. consistently over promises and under delivers….