Continuing with revisiting some additional 30dc exercises
Deef
Day 16 Exercise “Why is it ok for me to stand my ground?”
- Why is it ok for me to assert my boundaries?
- When is it ok for me to say no?
It can be broad and philosophical or specific and detailed examples from your life.
- If strong emotions come up, please do a short emotional literacy exercise.
How funny to throw this in, right after day 15 jump back to emotional literacy along with his justifying use of magical thinking……
I would say that linking standing your ground with asserting your boundaries is a false equivalency… and it’s not about giving yourself permission or explaining it to yourself…. it’s about a sense of a gravity, having gravitas, being centered, being grounded, having a strong position, strong argument, knowing yourself…..
Telling yourself shit, when your nervous system has no confidence and is in hyper-vigilance mode… is kinda silly, isn’t it?
Oh.. maybe this is an exercise to try to give angry baby a voice, a platform to say I Matter
But, you sorta need to do it in real life and under risky situations, otherwise the inner child isn’t gonna buy it…. and it’s also not integrated…..
However.. as a thought exercise I suppose it could be useful, if someone gets emotional flashbacks with just imagining saying no, or setting boundaries… then that’s a great time to work out those triggers….. but that’s not gonna translate to being able to apply that under real life stressors though….
Deef
Day 17 Exercise Overcoming compromise
If you’re a co-dependent you compromise on the things that are important to you
so holding to our values is essential
and learning to overcome the tendency to compromise,
is synonymous with learning to overcome the tendency to fawn and to submit
two questions i want you to answer today
- How am i manifesting my values in my life right now?
- What are my action steps when others or their actions do not align with my values?
This is a weird way to layout this exercise… compromise is bad, the opposite aim is to hold onto values…
and compromise is code for fawning and submission….
so compromise, fawning and submission = bad
and holding to values = good?
then 2 questions…
1 - how much do I suck at manifesting values?? Instead of holding to my values?
Isn’t this a bit of a jump, what about identifying values? or my angle and Jordan Peterson’s angle referencing Jung and other ancient wise people, is that you discover your values….. they’re already embedded in your system….
oh… okay… day #4 was the core values list
Deef Day 4 is a very short video and dives into values
Core Values Exercise
So…. question one can be continuation of day #4… ok.. that’s an okay question….
- What are my action steps when others or their actions do not align with my values?
This is interesting… I’d argue it could get close to NOT staying in one’s lane, and getting lost in policing other’s tone and behavior….. and the bigger thing is, what’s the link between my values and other people’s behaviors??
Isn’t my values about how I behave and interact in the world??? How other’s behave and interact, that’d be more about ideals and visions of how the world could be or should be…. which isn’t really on the table until one is somewhat self-sufficient and stable in their own lives…. otherwise you’re messing with other people from one’s own instability or blindspots…. it just gets ugly then…..
so holding to our values is essential
What does other’s behaviors have to do with holding onto my values? Let’s say I value not killing people, but I’m in the front lines of Ukraine vs Russia….. and let’s say I value not dying.. and I value my fellow soldiers and value my role as a soldier…..
So I have value of NOT killing people….. also matched with value of NOT getting KILLED.. or having my country run over by another.. and protecting my fellows and others from getting KILLED…… so maybe I’ll prioritize personal and tribal survival over this value of NOT KILLING… or I can universalize that into no one should kill anyone… life should be utopia…
How that gonna fall, when I’m in the middle of a bombing zone…. do I yell at the missiles coming at me? do I send judging emojis to the enemy that’s trying to key into my target and blow me up to bits???
ohh…. so the bigger point here.. is survival comes first…. and if one is still traumatized and in hyper-vigilant mode….. doing thought exercises as if one is stable and not living in a psychological survival mode……. is a bit cart before the horse type of sillyness……
it’s also a bit uncompassionate for the traumatized hurt child parts inside of people…..