feels a bit like a Monday…. and gotta catch up to change to May…. the weather has shifted chillier trend, but just finished breakfast and reading the newspaper in the reorganized garage station with the 2 additional rolling tables 6′….
The fresher air and lack a bit more windows makes it feel a bit different than inside…. But I’m still sorta trying to get some sort of schedule and routine for the day and week….
Yesterday was a bit of a blur with the full day ISTDP workshop, and then looked at a 2005 Toyota Sienna right after…. pretty decent option with what seemed to be family car and kept up with maintenance BUT does have an issue with vibration at 65mph…. clean title history without any accidents… and I sent him an offer last night, along with increase today.. but no answer back…. facebook messenger is a bit annoying to coordinate with…. I suppose I was a bit slower to decide this time, as I was a bit too impulsive with the 2010 caravan with likely transmission issues…
I mailed out deposit check for the basement bedroom job, and want to keep up with some of the process, to see how they plan to get it done…. and I wonder if I should get plumbing repairs done in the mean time, upgrading the main shut off valve with a ball valve and repairing a really slow leak in a copper 90 elbow…
There’s a new hospice case that’s more traditional home visit… he’s likely bedridden with a daughter that’s handling his care all on her own… with some aides helping out currently cuz he just got out of outpatient….. and then there’s a recent new case with transports; along with a floating new case for visits to talk, of lady with brain cancer….
ohh…. May has mother’s day, along with mom’s birthday and my 2nd brother’s wife Carol’s birthday… usually all 3 of those get combined…… but this year has addition of Carol’s parents arriving from Shanghai on Thursday…..
no specifics on what’s the plan after they arrive….. but Carol’s birthday is Sunday May 7th…
Oh…. my other sister in law… DJ’s wife Rachelle.. her birthday is on the 19th…. things are a bit quiet on that recent front.. in regards to her parents who got into that car accident, with her dad now in assisted living, and mom in hospice cuz she couldn’t cooperate with rehab… oh.. my mom said they were going on a trip back to Texas to celebrate anniversary 28 years, I think?
let’s see…. odds and ends……
PNC bank manager called a couple of times, I tried calling back late last week but didn’t connect… I suspect she’s wants to discuss the LLC account and that it’s just sitting there with too much capital, maybe there’s an option to get some interest on it?
Maybe need to do more yardwork and house maintenance or spring cleaning?
Should try to get some sort of more regular routine for fitness/movement, recreation, down time, etc…
more minivan shopping if this sienna falls through….. and also dispose of the 92 minivan… can get $400 from scrap, and then save money getting it off insurance…
Oh…. I haven’t gone on a walk or hike in over a week based on my calendar… though last week I had a few days to get the new tables and reorganizing stuff….
I guess, past few weeks have been a bit of a blur with minivan shopping, tables, schizoid exploration and angst channel battles, along with digesting past 2 zoom groups too… ohh… and right before that was funeral for Joan, I did get to see her corpse but we didn’t go along for the drive to the gravesite…. and before that was trying to recover from hosting auntie from Belgium… and prior to that was Joan’s death, with over a month of regular visits to see her in the hospital….
So… March and April have been a bit of a blur… Jan and Feb were start of a new year…. but with Joan’s IV and chemo treatments 2x a week. oh… and I turned 50 in the middle of that too…
Hmm… I suppose I have been in a bit of a time distortion….. I sorta forgot about a few weeks ago and a few months ago…. it all felt a bit like a big blur….. hmm……
oh…. start of 2023… I had goal of trying to read more regularly….. I finished Romo for January and tried a few books for Feb James Hollis book on the soul and Jordan Peterson’s 12 more rules, but didn’t get far with those… and now it’s 4 months in, and just 1 book?? I did revisit Master Key to Riches, but didn’t do a formal re-read…. and I did some revisits of other books.. but yah… doing some sort of more regular reading… would probably be a good habit… something to get away from too much digital…..
Oh… I forgot.. I did finish a 2nd book in January… that memoir of a Tiananmen square protester…
back to March… uhm hosting auntie… rental property bedroom estimates and eventual contract.. minivan shopping… meetups, and zoom group deep dives…. autistic terror… schizoid space… some garage and basement reorg…
I suppose it was a decently busy month…….
and onto some digesting of recent zoom group and assessing fall out after discord banning….. oh I also did some exploration w/ Nameless Narcissist’s discord channel too….
re: Paranoid Transference
This still seems like a major key….. I see it’s links to anxiety and that as a universal and raw base emotion for human consciousness and sense of time……
But how to come to terms with paranoia….. what does it need? how to not just block it, ignore it, or transfer it onto others…. how can paranoia be adaptive??
on the flip side, it can fuel aggression and probably direct links to sadistic pleasure territory….. paranoia might also have links to soul torture territory?
What’s soul murder?? soul is probably linked to an innate drive to make meaning and sense out of things…. and schizoids that fall into resentment against the world… and then if they fall into folded inward resentment… it can lead to soul murder.. or soul suicide…. rejecting of one’s innate drive towards sense and connection to deepest levels of one’s soul that connects w/ ancestral lineage and all of your birth origins…..
Well.. if you want to reject something… reject your total existence… all the way down to deep soul lineage…..
what do you get when that happens…. uhm… nightmares and deep depression when you don’t use language gimmicks and other ways of fucking up with meaning making….
Granted…. can you blame a person for consciously choosing or falling into this path?? possibly some are just born with this destiny and karma? or they got infected by another person with this damned soul path?
Is that part of what child pedophiles might be doing…. feeding off a child’s innocence as an escape from their own tortured and lost soul…. but the price is that their disease infects the child sexual abuse into becoming a pedophile as an adult?
The sloppier less skilled pedophiles have to act out and get caught or live on the edges of society… while the more skillful or educated ones… choose helping professions to feed off victims and inner children of adults as substitutes…. continuing the pattern….
But…. what’s the adaptive use of this pattern for it to keep continuing…. and be part of society??
The gnostic view of creation and Sophia being the divine mother… probably offers more sense to this… or that’s just her lineage continuing….. as Jordan Peterson had a video commenting on people who DMT see aliens who are more real than real.. and if that’s true.. then the world’s creation was an abortion…..
It’s man against nature and we triumph as the hero, and if it isn’t correct, then
we’re an evolutionary abortion.
Deef The present age must come to terms drastically with the facts as they are, with the absolute opposition that is not only tearing the world asunder politically but has planted a schism in the human heart.
We need to find our way back to the original, living spirit which, because of its ambivalence, is also a mediator and uniter of opposites, an idea that preoccupied the alchemists for many centuries.
If, as seems probable, the aeon of the fishes is ruled by the archetypal motif of the hostile brothers,
then the approach of the next Platonic month, namely Aquarius, will constellate the problem of the union of opposites.
It will then no longer be possible to write off evil as the mere privation of good; its real existence will have to be recognized.
This problem can be solved neither by philosophy, nor by economics, nor by politics,
but only by the individual human being, via his experience of the living spirit, whose fire descended upon Joachim, one of many, and, despite all contemporary misunderstandings, was handed onward into the future.
Their insistence is, at bottom, the urge of the archetype to realize itself.
-Carl Jung; Aion; Pages 86-87.
Was @Pankaj recent rant against fish, a bit premature, what if the fish is talking about the age of pisces, and the tranformation to Aquarius??
Hostile brothers and union of hte opposites…. seems eerily close to pressure to consciousness of splitting….
and the recognition of evil as a real existence….. might also be linked to denial/splitting… rejection stance, and then opposites that fight each other… and a split that drives a schism in the human heart?
Deef Anima, she according to Jung and i’m paraphrasing
Squirts her poison cloud of illusion
so there’s this uh squid-like response to the threat
which is to cloud the environment with illusion
so you have this anima animus balance integration polarity and
here we have anima is saving animus with his sword so she picks up the sword the phallus
the well literally the penis that of the corpse and impregnates herself
with this thing we could also say there are elements here to the gnostic story of sophia
so once that’s happened a revival can occur a sort of a new consciousness is born
what’s the best way of reflecting a new consciousness?
you do it through the major lens through which humanity observes which is the eye
and i think it’s of great significance that the young god the new god is represented as a falcon
The cloud of illusion reminded me of wall of vagueness, or vagueness fog……
that’s countered by ‘the eye’, that’s symbolized by a falcon? Not sure what to do with that just now…
Maybe this falcon is symbolic of an eye in the sky, that could counter the paranoia formed due to the poison cloud of illusion… vagueness fog…. muck up meaning making… build up a cloud to block sense making and meaning?
this might be a bit of a stretch…..
but it was interesting to scan through the old Archons & spiritual warfare thread…. mostly from 2+ years ago….lol….
time loops around…. old themes get revisited and still hold lots of insights….
ok… it’s noon.. and not sure what to do for the day… garage is getting a bit chilly..
maybe knock out some small things one at a time, and see where it goes….. will see….