The uptick of youtube exposure has given me the lovely opportunity for new BPD merges… oh what joy…. NOT…
But I can turn shit into fertilizer.. and I sense I’m getting close to a flowchart/roadmap for a common formula for BPD interactions, attacks, or the shame chicken game they play.
Some earlier observations:
Deef Borderlines are playing in shame bomb, shame spiral and everyone drowns type of territory.
Deef Emotional terrorism might be like shame bomb (despair/suicide/breakdown) chicken. If you cave to the ODV (Ostentatious Displays of Vulnerability) shame threat, then you lose.
So the primary guts of engagement is shame & chaotic.. vs narcissistic style is guilt, blame and very linear.
How’s it start?? how do they get an opening?? What’s the attention hook??
- Expose humanity and vulnerability dump with mindfuck of both
a. suffocated invisible unseen
b. over-exposed hyper-visible (naked flashing exhibitionist flair)
Can’t help but pay attention when someone flashes you with their emotional raw nakedness…
But also can’t help but want to fucking breathe and have some of your own space, when another person is crowding you, suffocating your story, and totally running over your psyche…
This is amazing attention hook combo…. what’s a defense against this 1-2 combo???
Deef The challenge is that BPDs are great at button pushing, or getting a reaction out of others.
If you respond with no reaction, then that might knock them too much off balance. It might be seen as an invitation or challenge to look for more buttons?
I don’t have a good counter roadmap just yet, currently still mapping the territory…
But the guts of it, would be to hit them where it hurts… emotional intensity & abandonment.. that will knock them off balance.. but it will also invite chaos & escalation in the short term.
So here’s the 4 layers of a common formula of their attacks…
- Shock & Surprise
a. Psychologically suffocate the other until they’re triggered to react or leave
- Sow Doubt & Confusion
a. Play Dumb & Innocent (cover) while sowing doubt & confusion through emotional contagion & dumping
b. Make ignorance plea due to own blind spot,
“I genuinely didn’t realize you were drowning in my presence, and that I had my hands around your neck suffocating the life from your body.”
- Guilt (Moral high ground posturing) - Aggressive Decency
a. Fixate on other’s trigger & over-reaction then pivot to moral high ground.
b. Claim & make a reasonableness plea (mask for judgment & hatred for your interruption & wanting to grasp for air)
- Evoke Shame & dump (suicide/despair, abandonment/exile)
a. Competitive Victimhood - pivot to Victim Plea
b. Ostentatious Display of Vulnerability, signaling of suicide,despair & abandonment
c. Steal & hog the spotlight with Woe as Me pity story (long over-writing monologue of life of loserdom and horrific endless victim)
(masked agenda) to bait you, get you chasing them and to keep you in the game.
“Don’t leave me, I need you… (I’ll make you stay by terrorizing you and sharing hate, judgment and shame onto you.)”
Deef the borderline is primarily concerned with destroying the object through aggressive decency
BPD is interested in feeding off your non-being… your psychological space, emotional containment, sense of self… possibly feeding off your spirit & life force? It’s much different than narcissistic supply, that’s more about attention and a power play…. BPD wants to steal your spirit? soul? life experience?
Not fond of going down the demonizing path for them.. but it’s hard not to do some of this after a fresh BPD emotional merge… I want to purge them out of my mindspace,..
so it takes some aggressive hostility, to counter their fake aggressive decency..
Apologies for the savagery and harsh judgments… I have weak language skills and suck at the aggressive decency game.. I’m taking the side of shared humanity.