Watch the 4m35s pruned down version of Claudia… It’s easier to see the totally illogical and semantical re-defining games going on… and there’s splitting with her shifting positions (arguing for safe space for everyone, then arguing that people need exposure and stop saving Deef). Even projecting onto me that I was playing with her, when she was the one controlling and twisting the narrative, I was labelled ’you’re playing with me’, in response to just repeating a question to try to get her to clarify her critique with some specifics.
A narcissist is more about getting supply, often with a power play… a fragile narcissist can’t do it overtly, so they often fixate on greatest victim, commonly expressed with a constant paranoia and regular state of cognitive dissonance (from their self gaslighting)
BPD is more fixated around abandonment terror, and dumping/projecting their shame onto others, so they’re not drowning alone.. BPD can use Narcissistic tactics, but in my experience a narcissist doesn’t have the linguistic wordsmithery and logical mindfucks of a BPD.
A BPD can bring you into their abandonment terror and shame spiral.. like Grannon’s metaphor of a self image that’s like a statue on a shelf that’s constantly falling… That’s the inner shame spiral of a BPD once they’re alone or abandonment terror button is triggered… When I listen to a BPD, I get that shame spiral sensation, my self is falling apart and I sense that pull towards emotional clinging due to abandonment terror… or I might be able to spot it earlier with their ostentatious displays of vulnerability (signals & hooks for suicide threats.)
A fragile narcissist feels a whole lot more one dimensional compared to a BPD, it’s usually one overarching narrative that’s just steam rolled onto you…. any feedback that goes counter to that narrative (false self) just bounces off them, goes over their head.. totally ignored, and like it’s not even heard… but it’s like they make absolutely no effort to NOT hear it… It’s so foreign to hear anything outside of their false self, what you said just goes into their empty void..
OK.. so here’s a theory to contrast the two…. and this is also within the theory that BPD is a failed narcissist.. BPD is more origin state of personality disorder, and a Narcissist was able to create a false self as a primary coping strategy to navigate the world, while BPD’s never succeeded..
NPD leaves you feeling invisible… and is really good at blame, and treating you and the rest of the world as an object. Their defense is like a narrow sheet of glass that they have to constantly adjust so you don’t see it’s flatness, and they know it’s fragile so they’re anxious and paranoid keeping it up.
BPD leaves you feeling hyper-exposed, vulnerable and shame sensitive… they’re good at amplifying your feelings around lack of social belonging.. and everything is subjective to levels of confusion, you can’t pin them down on any point, they’re like blobs that envelop you. Both them and you get lost in that fog, but they leave happier because they offload their shame onto others.
After Claudia left, the afterparty ended up having a very long love fest…. I’d argue that was from Claudia’s sharing her feeling of hyper-exposure, that drives people to seek social connection and bonding..