Trying to finish off revisit analysis of 30dc
Day 22 A philosophical exercise. Just explore it, there is no right or wrong.
- When I hold true to my values (am congruent and disciplined) do I feel as though Ive earned the right to be more authentic self (to ask for what I want, set boundaries and show up as my self)?
- This exercise is because we frequently dont feel we have earned the right to be our authentic selves.
Explore how we can feel the way we can earn the right to be our authentic selves.
Is it through disciplined, consistent, value oriented action over time?
- Im suggesting the answer to the last question is: Yes.
Just take notes and reflect on the question, no stress, no pressure.
Interesting fixation on earning the right to be authentic opps… it’s more on the feeling of earning not the proving of it, or the definition of what’s the right and who’s offering it, who judges it, and what’s the consequences of doing it…
I’m also a bit confused as to why holding true to values is equated to right to be authentic self… and wtf does being authentic have to do with asking for what you want and setting boundaries….
I suppose earning the right, is similar territory as proving your worth and social worth to others. And then privileges and special treatment can come… but one’s own feeling and estimation of their earning doesn’t equate to others reflecting it back…
Day 23 Exercises
- Please go back to day 4 and share your 5 core values with the group.
- In the same piece of work share two affirmations from the day 6 exercise.
Much easier day, will take way less time.
Please take the space to breathe, reflect and look at other peoples work in the group.
Nothing new for this day, just revisiting day 4 & 6.
What’s with #3, how is self love linked with core values?? Okay, I suppose if one has a more clear conscience, as they’re living in line with their values, then yes there’s more room to be nicer to one’s self.
But I’d argue that the use of with-holding love and self-love, is an emergency or traumatic strategy to manipulate and motivate oneself. So until one addresses those core wounds or finds alternative ways to motivate oneself, then that old pattern of with-holding love and self-hate will continue.
Though, #1 & 2 are decent questions for people to explore how conditional their love is, and how much with-holding love they use in relationships.
This was a challenging day, as it seemed like he was promoting a creation of another false self, and I think even used the word Tulpa to describe it.. Which is a spell casting way of creating a thought form being.. (a spirit/ghost/entity)…
I think it’s dangerous territory, when one deludes themself to think you can create a new self.. who’s doing the creating? and whatever that is created can NOT be your true self… as you created it… it’s just another fawn self…
Day 26 Exercises Rest and Digest
If you are of a mind to do something take some of the more challenging exercises and redo them in short, brief form (no more than 20 minutes) and share with the group.
If you want to just relax feel free to do so.
Day 27 Exercises on individuating with a stronger sense of self.
Direction: do this in the spirit of helping yourself to heal as much as you can, doing ALL you can to move yourself in the right direction. Put some fight into your decision and intent to heal and to thrive.
- Take on the exercises from days 7,9,10
7 - feel safe when i set my boundaries
9 - Identify what happens when you say NO
10 - Guilt Mines
- Take no more than 25 minutes to review your notes from these days and to redo them in a brief way.
- Remember the intent is to put yourself back in the driving seat, knowing no one is going to fix this for you, there is just you fixing it FOR you.
- It should be fairly easy in application to get these exercises done. If it gets difficult step back and rest.
Hmm… review 3 days…. at it’s core, it seems like this is just more self blame and triggering guilt to motivate onself.
re: there is just you fixing it FOR you.
Not crazy about fixing pointer, as that projects, assumes and looks for things that are broken.. and if it doesn’t find it, it will break stuff….
And back to the main theme… how the fuck is guilt tripping yourself create a stronger self…. Being hard on yourself is just repressing yourself and your natural impulses more… which makes your super-ego feel strong.. but does little in the face of a Narcissistic attack.
Day 28 Exercise, review days 13 & 16.
The work wont be over at the end of the 30 days, but what we do in the last few days of the challenge is what will stick with you. So these two days are very important.
We are looking at knowing and feeling that its OK for you to put yourself first and to uphold your boundaries.
The deep dive portion of the course is over so now we need to be looking at consistency over time, so stay within the bounds of what you can manage. I’d like you to repeat this exercise (from day 13 and 16) over and over again in the coming months, so make sure you make the process as easy and pleasant as possible!
Please do a brief version of the exercises from 13 and 16 - take it easy, keep it light, be curious and explore how you feel about these things now. Please don’t take more than 25 minutes making notes on this.
Day 13 Exercise: “Putting Myself First”
- Why is it absolutely necessary and for the highest good of all concerned for me to put myself first?
- List 5 Scenarios where it is absolutely necessary for you to put yourself first. (Identify the context.)
Day 16 Exercise “Why is it ok for me to stand my ground?”
- Why is it ok for me to assert my boundaries?
- When is it ok for me to say no?
It can be broad and philosophical or specific and detailed examples from your life.
- If strong emotions come up, please do a short emotional literacy exercise.
More review day, but this whole theme of putting yourself first and giving yourself permission to stand your ground… I call as total nonsense…. codependents already put themselves first, but do it with resentment and covert contracts…. So it’s giving first, but with the implied agreement that others will reciprocate, and not increase emotional intensity….
People pleasers know how to navigate using these covert contracts… teaching them to set boundaries and be all entitled and grandiose…. that does little in live fire, because natural narcissists will just run over whatever fake boundaries a codependent sets….
This ended up being added on the wrong day… causing confusion with the group and no moderator to clear it up…. or maybe it was edited in later….
I think this is essentially self-policing, and fueling more self focused guilt, and folding inward… reinforcing people to look inward and not pay attention to the environment or others…
as for #2, why the fuck don’t you stay in your fucking lane, and stop trying to force others into your own personal value system…..
Day 30 Share your successes over the last 30 days of the challenge for your Day 30 Community work.
Tomorrow we continue for those who want it for another 30 days.
You can choose to do any or all or none of the following:
- Catch up on the days you didnt cover.
- Go back and redo the days you found particularly useful or challenging.
- If you are struggling to recover from a narcissistically abusive relationship then do the “break the trauma bond” course and share your exercises.
- Continue to offer support to each other.
Final day, nothing specifically new… though maybe some sort of digestion of the prior 29 days, or way of integrating it.. reflections on the journey…. what was learned… surprises, etc… that might be nice…
instead… it’s more injunctions, fixes, and artificiality…..