Deef
Deef
You make some interesting points and to answer your question. I think , I’m trying to understand what happened with my personal interactions with him.
If he said he had bpd it would explain a lot of his bad behaviours toward his followers. E.g name calling, hyper reactivity to criticism, black and white thinking and projection. It would make his behaviour make more sense then just CPTSD . As you said a lot of his followers are BPDs or have strong BPD tendencies. I have also noticed the exact same thing. I believe he is a magnet for borderlines. I just don’t understand why BPDs find him more appealing then the average YouTuber. I guess , I’m trying to make sense of him and his behaviour. I know he’s done stuff to hurt me and others. I was vulnerable when I watched his channel. I got caught up in getting almost addicted to watching his videos during the lockdown. I was lonely, had depression and was using his videos as some sort of emotional comfort. I now realise how insanely detached from reality , I was. I was thinking if I could of prevented myself from becoming so addicted I would of. I got addicted to having arguments in his comment section and it subsequently annoyed Richard and he wasn’t so nice to me, which was understandable. I subsequently sent him an email and wrote in his comments explaining why I behaved that way saying I have adhd and low impulse control and apologised for my behaviour i.
Unfortunately he ignored the email and the comments. Even worse he keeps mischaracterising me on his videos.
This has fed into my toxic inner critic problems and obsessional thoughts getting worse. I think if I was in a stronger mental state , I could easily just brush it of as just a dumb argument with a YouTuber. But because I’m so low and depressed already and socially isolated. I’m really struggling to do that.
That’s why I keep on asking if he’s bpd because I’m trying to make sense of his behaviour.
If he’s just a fallible guy with cptsd who makes mistakes why he is so harsh and unforgiving to others that make similar mistakes. I feel like he has black and white thinking.. Maybe I shouldn’t expect him to be nice. But I dunno, I guess I did expect him to understand. Maybe I shouldn’t of. ?
Edit*
I don’t know if it’s normal to think that because someone also has similar problems that they will get it. Maybe i had to higher expectations as just a follower of his channel. Likely it might be the case. I was lonely and I guess I was looking for some sort of validation that maybe I shouldn’t be looking for of YouTube.
I just thought because he’s been through his own emotional problems he would understand that not everyone is perfect.
