I wrote that and felt so disgusting I had to run for ANOTHER SHIT and a bath. 🤣🤣🤣 what a fucking ride. I realized in the bathtub - that I HAD BEEN VALIDATED!!! G had called me up, revealed my sordid sex abuse history to me, with acknowledgement. I AM NO LONGER A SECRET. I no longer need to keep that secret. For anyone. I had a means to PURGE that shitty time of my life.
in the final days of the break up with the father of my babies, my ex baby daddy I shall call him. He basically beat the shit out of me and broke a window doing so from throwing me across the room.
I moved out the next day. Into B‘s house the landlord who was living in london at the time I had to travel 2 hours there and back to fetch a house key. The children stayed with me half the week and with him the other half. During those two months, he had plotted to kidnap the children, which he implemented on Boxing Day ((day after Christmas)
i was broken and alone and in need of help but I didn’t know where to start. I had to run my business as usual and afford a lawyer to try and get my kids back. The journey became worse, much worse. I somehow got ensnared by a man offering to help me ““who knew ways about the legal system” I was caught in a trap and brutally raped. He lied.
i hid the tragedy from everyone. Losing my kids was the heartbreak everyone thought I was going through. But now I was raped, by a man that knew where I lived, and I fell ill and pregnant from rape.
i starved myself, I stabbed myself in the cervix with kitchen utensils. I wanted to abort or die trying.
a neighbour who used to collect post for the landlord, came by after texting me. I was not alright and he let himself in and found me in a pool of blood.
I sont remember anything after that.
i remember waking up in hospital, they had given me a d&c and aborted the 6 week old fetus. And I woke up looking down on the bed as my head was titled down to being blood into my head, someone was pounding on my chest, my arm was swollen and cold from the fluids they were pumping into me. And I was dying.
but I started having memories of my daughters future. The ones kidnapped from me yet to come. The rape was replayed in my head but it was her. As me. And I could not let that happen. It pained me so bad down below I jumped back into my body and fought with them to come back and stop the future from happening.
i was too late. By the time my daughters contacted me on the internet, their tragedies had already happened. And I was heartbroken that I did not prevent it.
the man that raped me got away. He had also raped others. But I was too weakened to fight. Too weakened to do anything, so the landlord B, took it upon himself to move in with me.
he was covert. More dangerous than anyone I’d ever met, I felt it, but didn’t know it. Because I was in familiar territory again, after all, my mother the psychopath who thought the world owed her everything had sold me to many men.
i did not feel I was in any danger, because I was used to feeling uncomfortable. And so B groomed me, into the ways of using sexual attraction to gain the money and attention of the richest perverted guys out there.
in two years, I had created a fantasy world for him, paid off my friends to stand in for £40 and pretend to be maids in a pervert house. And I had made income from this perverted fake act. I even recruited other girls similar to me to work the house.
after all, I had a one year long court battle to fight for my kids, I lost everything, my house my business and not only had to start over, but gave B the equity CASH £34,000 just as I had earned for my mother before me, to secure my name on the property deed of the houses I was paying his mortgages on.
i was well and truly trapped and fucked over. And playing the game. Because I had lost my children and £34,000 equity with nothing to show. And having a BIG FAT COURT CASE CALL A MOTHER A LOSER and imply she was a prostitute. Damaged my source of pride beyond belief so I became what I thought I deserved. A sex worker.
but.
it felt wrong. I was traumatized. I needed to get out. I had to escape this hell hole. So I fled England.
Gary and B were the last people I saw in England. 12 years ago. When I escaped B with nothing. No money, no belongings, n o t h I n g. While B had 2 houses and a pimp regime, and G A R Y’s Entertainment hunting ground. B used to hunt fetish events for victims. He was a machiavelli sociopathic narcissist of the highest order. He used Gary’s events and others like him, Andy and Bunny and their Sex Parties to find models and sex victims like me for his money laundering.
and that’s my sordid history I kept quiet after losing my kids, as I felt so worthless after being raped AGAIN and character evicerated by the baby daddy. That I thought, in all honesty, I was utterly worthless.