With FijiDove I’m just playing more observer case study… It’s Grannon’s forum, and I don’t need to dive into replying to her or managing the group flow.. I’m just trying to get as much benefit during it’s short lived life…
Latest update is she removed the comment from my question and posted a new post with a variation of her last post… That’s more in line… but this is evidence that she’s got a lot of inner mental ghosts she’s just fighting with.. constantly changing posts and editing for what purpose?? abandonment terror.. yes.. and likely shame, trying too much to control her public image..
Bradford I really admire your tenacity with trying to work an angle on these arguments and I have meant to raise this before which is Vaknin’s angle of Mortification. His view is to Mortify the Narcissist.
I’m a little rusty with his mortification model.. but I recall one 2 step simplification approach he shared…
- Any positive compliments/affirmations dismiss and start doing less of that behavior.
- Any negative behavior control requests - on surface agree but do more of behaviorally.
Very quickly the narcissist’s snapshot of you will not mesh with your behavior, and causes lots of internal cognitive dissonance… they’ll escalate and eventually leave…
Narcissists are more in your face but I think easier because it’s a simpler attack and goal…
BPD is still a bit of a conundrum… I’ve mapped out their attack formula, but haven’t yet figured out a good stable counter… I’m starting to lean on, you have to use variation of same tactics back at them… and I can intensify sad baby and shame (which would be my easy leverage)
Indeed, you can handle the chaos and the aggression and thats half the problem and its something that I have learned which is “just becuase you can, doesn’t mean that you should”.
In my inner world and family upbringing.. escaping chaos and aggression isn’t a choice on the table.. I hold a lot of that chaos, aggression, pure emptiness as part of my inner self.. Western sense of self has a strong ego structure to navigate through life, but also has strong walls for chaos uncertainty, shame void… my 1st person ego sense of self is a one dimensional extrapolated fawn self that pulls from the environment and others… So typical pointers that work within social norm, I sometimes have to do the total opposite to find some benefit..
Reflecting on the YT troll comment issue…. I was sorting through some papers and revisited my prior scribbles of BPD attack roadmap… and her attacks still fit well into that model:
Deef Revisiting the 4 elements model for BPD attacks, trying to simplify it down to its core
I don’t have a good counter roadmap just yet, currently still mapping the territory…
But the guts of it, would be to hit them where it hurts… emotional intensity & abandonment.. that will knock them off balance.. but it will also invite chaos & escalation in the short term.
So here’s the 4 layers of a common formula of their attacks…
- Shock & Surprise
a. Psychologically suffocate the other until they’re triggered to react or leave
- Sow Doubt & Confusion
a. Play Dumb & Innocent (cover) while sowing doubt & confusion through emotional contagion & dumping
b. Make ignorance plea due to own blind spot,
“I genuinely didn’t realize you were drowning in my presence, and that I had my hands around your neck suffocating the life from your body.”
- Guilt (Moral high ground posturing) - Aggressive Decency
a. Fixate on other’s trigger & over-reaction then pivot to moral high ground.
b. Claim & make a reasonableness plea (mask for judgment & hatred for your interruption & wanting to grasp for air)
- Evoke Shame & dump (suicide/despair, abandonment/exile)
a. Competitive Victimhood - pivot to Victim Plea
b. Ostentatious Display of Vulnerability, signaling of suicide,despair & abandonment
c. Steal & hog the spotlight with Woe as Me pity story (long over-writing monologue of life of loserdom and horrific endless victim)
(masked agenda) to bait you, get you chasing them and to keep you in the game.
“Don’t leave me, I need you… (I’ll make you stay by terrorizing you and sharing hate, judgment and shame onto you.)”
4 elements are there: Surprise, Doubt, Moral high ground, dump shame..
Abandonment terror clinging isn’t as high as comments section isn’t a community, it’s more a dumping ground of shadow material and place to play out mind ghosts.. However I could threaten spotlighting her comments as a case study to poke some public shaming sensitivity, and abandonment terror..
So one-on-one BPD attacks has more of an emotional chicken element…. within social media I think it’s more of a battle between moral high ground posturing… who’s gonna fall into the other’s sandbox… I played along with her accusations, assuming some sort of good faith sincerity.. but she’s shown nada… so if I choose to go back, my goal would be to change sandbox and try to get her to take the bait.. of my counter moral high ground posturing… but I can layer in shame and pity (sad baby) energy to try to add extra shock and destabilize her and wake up inner demons..
At the same time.. I can stop the back and forth, as it’s sorta honors her as an equal.. where the truth is she’s invading my house.. and my channel.. and I’m allowed to delete any and all comments, along with banning her… so I might just delete her comments, and then reply a 2nd time with something mysterious and somewhat shaming….