(I thought that Newbie left the forum, but apparently she can change her mind, and distort reality effortless fluidity, though if she’s over-selling particular points, I’d argue that’s evidence of defending against sore spots)
Posting from her reply sent via email with much added formatting & summary/commentary to try to make the long run on sentence a bit more digestible.
Ok so it looks like I am not able to reply on the forum. So I don’t know if that’s intentional or not.
But it doesn’t really matter.
I started to reply but just skimming through so much of the thread,
I’m not going to even waste my energy trying to communicate with people
But let me contradict myself and waste my energy (total inconsistency with words & behavior)
who are absolutely determined to have their minds so made up about me,
despite anything I have even attempted to say already.
projection
I didn’t realize when I joined I was just signing up to be your next little class project.
I feel betrayed!
I don’t apologize if I don’t mean it. And I’m also not nice if I don’t mean it.
Newbie I just wanted to apologize for acting like a horrendous bitch.
But just because I mean it, doesn’t mean I have any capacity to will change my behavior.
Maybe she’s just mean?
So accuse me of being whatever labels you want to come up with but I will never pretend or be fake for you or anyone else. If that means everyone hates me then I guess oh well.
I meant what I said when I apologized before leaving the group.
Newbie My heads been fkd sideways this year and it’s not anyones fault and I’m sorry I took it out on any of you
Yes… I meant that it was NOT anyone’s fault, but let me NOW blame, shame and slander relentlessy!!
I have been through some insane bullshit that I will not even begin to explain at this point because I don’t want anyone’s sympathy or pity AT ALL and I don’t need it.
My only point was I was struggling, in ways you couldn’t begin to even imagine and I made the mistake of trying to talk openly to people I don’t know because apparently I just like to learn my lessons the hard way.
She had trauma.. a lot of it.
You say I was speaking in a cryptic or ‘sneaky’ way (whatever it is you want to accuse me of)
Newbie I’m not trying to sound cryptic
She was the one who used the word cryptic.
My God I can only imagine if I had said anything really personal.
I tried to be open as much as I could be and I am so so glad I wasn’t stupid enough to say any more.
The thing is, whether you believe me or not, and it’s really not necessary for you to tell me that you don’t
LOL unless you just would feel good to really dig your heels in and insult me for good measure.
Then by all means have at it.
I think she’s talking to herself here, there’s no information here.. maybe a very indirect side jab of people hurt me for no reason!!!
I was traumatized as FUCK and so yes, I was babbly and annoying and sounded somewhat like I FELT inside.
Pardon me. Fucking acting like a pathetic little human. CRINGE.
God I’m such an asshole. And you know I agree,
I was SO overly apologetic, you’re absolutely right.
I promise I am as disgusted with MYSELF for that as any of you ever could be. *
*I could almost vomit at the thought** now actually.
Wow… what triggered this self reveal?? Something from Onnalove’s post I think, maybe this portion:
Onnaloves There is a pattern in noob‘s speak that is overly tarry, sticky and over-apologetic to the point of disgusting. Like protesting too much. Maybe that’s my anti-neurosis kicking in, finding blubbering people just disgusting.
That was my biggest mistake.
Catastrophizing?
Trying to over explain myself or being apologetic to a bunch of key board warriors
who have nothing better to do with their time than find victims in YouTube forums to run your weird little ‘basement style’ experiments on like some God forsaken lab animals.
Paranoia?? The world revolves around newbie, we sought her out specifically to do such torture…
And yeah, I read some of the responses but what I saw at a glance was more than enough LMAO smh
Yes, you have all figured me out. It’s amazing. I will be sure to update my therapist.
I’ll definitely need to get on some serious medications with this new information.
she only glanced… but now will reflect back an exaggeration?
You guys did me a solid. I am a schizo, BPD, HIGHLY machiavellian, narcissistic as FUCK, EXTREMLY manipulative, let me tell you. And you know I lie for absolutely NO REASON, EVERY DAY TO EVERY PERSON I come in contact with just for shits and giggles. SMH I just can’t help myself. Idk what it is….
OH wait, that must be one of my addictions. Almost forgot about that. I am also histrionic, I didn’t know if anyone listed that yet, and I even have magical thinking like you would not believe.
ridicule self to throw people off the scent? or is it a gossip outrage performance tactic?
It’s something else let me tell you.
A day in the life. It get’s pretty wild. I have orgies with my hallucinations and everything.
Sometimes I see Garden gnomes, sometimes Dragons! Those are my favorite though. Oh and I’m psychotic too. It’s a lot I know
but I am just really talented I can sort of just juggle between all these amazing disorders and make them work.
Oh and since I’m confessing everything here, I also worship Satan, but only on Saturday nights.
Could that part stay between us though??
People sometimes get a little weird about that for some reason so I thought it would be best to stop telling everyone.
So yeah just you know, if you could not let anyone know that would be cool.
Is she entertaining herself when writing this out?
I have learned so much about myself from everyone it’s kind of an incredible feeling.
Thank you all so much <3 I don’t have the words. It meant a lot to me. I’m touched.
My therapist is going to be fucking AMAZED when I tell him all of my disorders.
But I will make sure I tell him I know it’s legit since you’re all scholars in psychology and all that.
You guys really know your stuff. It’s been real.
Peace homies! Oh yeah and Merry Christmas and all that too
More ridicule and shaming?
and compare this recent exit message energy with the prior one.
Newbie I just wanted to apologize for acting like a horrendous bitch. My heads been fkd sideways this year and it’s not anyones fault and I’m sorry I took it out on any of you.
oh… and here’s an unedited version of her word vomit reply..
Ok so it looks like I am not able to reply on the forum. So I don’t know if that’s intentional or not. But it doesn’t really matter. I started to reply but just skimming through so much of the thread, I’m not going to even waste my energy trying to communicate with people who are absolutely determined determined to have their minds so made up about me, despite anything I have even attempted to say already. I didn’t realize when I joined I was just signing up to be your next little class project. I don’t apologize if I don’t mean it. And I’m also not nice if I don’t mean it. So accuse me of being whatever labels you want to come up with but I will never pretend or be fake for you or anyone else. If that means everyone hates me then I guess oh well. I meant what I said when I apologized before leaving the group. I have been through some insane bullshit that I will not even begin to explain at this point because I don’t want anyone’s sympathy or pity AT ALL and I don’t need it. My only point was I was struggling, in ways you couldn’t begin to even imagine and I made the mistake of trying to talk openly to people I don’t know because apparently I just like to learn my lessons the hard way. You say I was speaking in a cryptic or ‘sneaky’ way (whatever it is you want to accuse me of) My God I can only imagine if I had said anything really personal. I tried to be open as much as I could be and I am so so glad I wasn’t stupid enough to say any more. The thing is, whether you believe me or not, and it’s really not necessary for you to tell me that you don’t LOL unless you just would feel good to really dig your heels in and insult me for good measure. Then by all means have at it. I was traumatized as FUCK and so yes, I was babbly and annoying and sounded somewhat like I FELT inside. Pardon me. Fucking acting like a pathetic little human. CRINGE. God I’m such an asshole. And you know I agree, I was SO overly apologetic, you’re absolutely right. I promise I am as disgusted with MYSELF for that as any of you ever could be. I could almost vomit at the thought now actually. That was my biggest mistake. Trying to over explain myself or being apologetic to a bunch of key board warriors who have nothing better to do with their time than find victims in YouTube forums to run your weird little ‘basement style’ experiments on like some God forsaken lab animals. And yeah, I read some of the responses but what I saw at a glance was more than enough LMAO smh Yes, you have all figured me out. It’s amazing. I will be sure to update my therapist. I’ll definitely need to get on some serious medications with this new information. You guys did me a solid. I am a schizo, BPD, HIGHLY machiavellian, narcissistic as FUCK, EXTREMLY manipulative, let me tell you. And you know I lie for absolutely NO REASON, EVERY DAY TO EVERY PERSON I come in contact with just for shits and giggles. SMH I just can’t help myself. Idk what it is….OH wait, that must be one of my addictions. Almost forgot about that. I am also histrionic, I didn’t know if anyone listed that yet, and I even have magical thinking like you would not believe. It’s something else let me tell you. A day in the life. It get’s pretty wild. I have orgies with my hallucinations and everything. Sometimes I see Garden gnomes, sometimes Dragons! Those are my favorite though. Oh and I’m psychotic too. It’s a lot I know but I am just really talented I can sort of just juggle between all these amazing disorders and make them work. Oh and since I’m confessing everything here, I also worship Satan, but only on Saturday nights. Could that part stay between us though?? People sometimes get a little weird about that for some reason so I thought it would be best to stop telling everyone. So yeah just you know, if you could not let anyone know that would be cool. I have learned so much about myself from everyone it’s kind of an incredible feeling. Thank you all so much <3 I don’t have the words. It meant a lot to me. I’m touched. My therapist is going to be fucking AMAZED when I tell him all of my disorders. But I will make sure I tell him I know it’s legit since you’re all scholars in psychology and all that. You guys really know your stuff. It’s been real. Peace homies! Oh yeah and Merry Christmas and all that too
