Fuuuuck me, crazy day. Itās like the trigger energy from this morning spilled over into real life. And I barely managed to stay inside myself.
itās late in the day and I have not started what I wanted to do.
but some GOOD HAS HAPPENED. I donāt know why but Keith bent down over me and kissed me good morning! Haha ok that was nice.
he asked me yesterday out of the blue how do you know how people are going to die? Oh here goes.
you know the story about the first time I did it right? My painting of Pandoraās box, of fathers death?
well, I have seen many deaths since and they all came true. Even people that Keith knows. I knew, before it was going to happen.
i donāt want to claim success or credit for knowing. It feels shitty. But for example. There are signs not just externally but viscerally, people are so blinded by emotions they donāt feel their bodies as I do. Emotions come from the body, the flood through the seratonin vortex condenses all that emotional energy into impetus in the brains gear shift.
however for me I am instead flooded with the winds in peoples bodies.
depending which organ it points to there is a funny smell too. Like mould, or sweet or meaty. And on and on.
so Iāve become used to the tell, the signs, the smell of the wind from different organs, coming out of their skin, their armpits or their groin, or their sinuses .
So I recounted a few leading up to their deaths, from 6 weeks to one week.
and then thereās a range outside of that where I donāt need to smell them, itās more subtle and far enough away they could change it. But they never seem to want to.
so keith said: well ok how do you die?
ugh. Well for me I feel a growing suffocation moving up my body on the left side, and it will wrap around my organs and starve them. My pancreas is my weak spot, it will climb there last, and I donāt think there is anything that can be done to stop it.
since doctors wonāt believe me
and this canāt be seen in scans,
the mesentary is the same fatty material that one day blobs off a cobweb that tightens and compresses and kills. But slowly over time so I hardly notice it. But I know it started years before it was found. A very slow growing suffocation of my organs.
ok then, how do I die?
your sadness is inside you, freezing up your lungs, your rib cage, your lungs become atrophied and your weak point so whatever complications arise pneumonia will take you.
but thatās really common, anyone can get that. Yes and it is your weakest spotā¦ although there is another, strangely similar to mine. I feel it quite low down, in your sacral plexus too. Itās ankylosing and ossifying in your SI jointā¦ which means, the Sofia toon of your organs is focused around your prostate. Damn. And the suffocation is already there, stenosing your nerves shooting down your legs.
so itās up to you what to do about it now? What will you do about it?
supposing youāre right? What can you do about it? Well, I would go see a rolfer and get my organs released, have my kidneys peeled again, see if that helps slow the growth down. Or stop it from establishing. But because this canāt be seen on any scan the material is too jelly, then I would have to be tactful about the way I want an exploratoryā¦ and timing that as wellā¦
so, this morning keith was onto me about health insurance. š doctors who take your money and donāt do any work to actually help you. Bleh
