Flamingo Rants

dialecticalBehaviortherapy

yeah it was a tough lesson to learn for me. Because I think I was over reliant on others opinions of me for my own good. And to regulate my own self esteem. Letting go, of his opinions and not taking it personally is a tough cookie to crack. I think I did get overly attached to his opinions of me. When in reality , I don’t know him.

dialecticalBehaviortherapy

Saying that i do still think his behaviour is wrong. On a video yesterday he was annoyed that i called him bpd and said i was bpd. I think that’s wrong you shouldnt be diagnosing people through the comment section or the internet . Expecially when you have the amount of influence he does. I think it might take me a while to overcome the damage its had on my already low self esteem. I do think what hes doing by projecting his shame onto people and silencing people and stuff is really wrong. I do have a lot of bpd tendencies but its likely just my adhd coming of that way. Since a lot of symptoms can overlap. Because i have no personal dysfuntion or other symptoms of bpd so i would not even fit the criteria. And even if he was suspious about me being bpd then he has no right to label me and give me a diagnosis. Since i have never even talked to him in reality. I just think this is wrong. but i also think , as i said below that yes i shouldnt care as much about his opinion. But fragile mental health , social isolation has lead me to spend way to much time on the internet. Im sharing my story in hopes other people can learn something from this.

edit - I asked if he was bpd on the video I didn’t call him bpd

dialecticalBehaviortherapy

This is flamingo btw , I’m sorry for any confusion. I had to make a new account. I forgot the password for the old one.

My short term memory is something I’m currently working on. You may of already caught on to the fact it’s me through my writing style but maybe not.

This is gonna be a long post so bare with me. Some of it might be convoluted and hard to follow. So I apologise in advance.

I just had something on my mind that I thought might be important to share with this trauma survivor community.

I wanna write a post to highlight some of the overlaps between neurodivergence and personality disorders.

To hopefully shed some light on it.

I have some theory’s about the relationship between neurodivegence and personality disorders. And have some of my own personal experiences to share.

Firstly I can , understand how both personality disorders and neurodivegence can be misconstrued for one another which can cause confusion for the individual suffering from the condition and also wider society.

Adhd can be often misconstrued as bpd. And autism as narcissism. But what muddys the water even more is people can develop
co-morbid of both and I believe that can be the case more then people realise.

I tried to explain this in Richard’s comment section. But it got deleted so I feel maybe explaining it here , it might get better received or it maybe could offer some help to other people who may also have similar struggles to myself.

I don’t think Richard understands much about neurodivergent people. Maybe cause his field of work is primarily the study of personality disorders he just didn’t look into neurological disorder’s.

Strangely enough , I have identified neurodivergent behaviours within his personality. Eg ‘ Sometimes I joked around in his comments and he took it literally.’ - which could be a sign of maybe mild Asperger’s. But I couldn’t say for sure because , I’m not a psychiatrist. also comment sections are a breeding ground for misinterpretation anyway.

On some level I can understand why RG thinks I have borderline personality disorder.

ADHD symptoms and autism symptoms can often overlap with bpd. And I have been clinically diagnosed with both ADHD and Autism.

You can also get people who have co-morbid ADHD , Autism and BPD and other cluster B disorders at the same time.

Often personality disorders develop as a self-defence mechanism for the fact neurodivergent people struggle to function as well as neurotypical people in everyday life. Developing maladaptive ways to cope makes sense. These coping mechanisms can go from being mild narcissistic tendency’s to the development of full blown cluster B personality disorders.

My own Dad, I believe had a comorbidity of bpd and adhd both together.

Autism also runs in my mothers side of the family and I think my auntie might be very narcissistic if not a narcissist.

I feel like these personality disorders can be a self defence mechanism for struggling to function in life.

I’m my opinion often , generational trauma can be caused by undiagnosed neurodivergence in family’s that’s been passed down through generations.

I have seen this in my family and many others.

Often people who Asperger’s or ADHD can become narcissistic or at the worst narcissists as a self defence mechanism.

Personally , I have only ever been diagnosed with adhd and high-functioning autism (Asperger’s syndrome).

Symptoms like - rejection sensitivity, fear of abandonment, low self-esteem, depression and suicidal ideation.

On the surface they look like BPD symptoms or maybe more extreme CPTSD symptoms , but they can also, be ADHD.

I also have problems with hyper-focusing and obsessing over stuff. To the point I neglect my day-to-day needs. Social anxiety from past trauma and bullying stops me from leaving the house and socialising as much as I want to.

Dyschronometria is something Gabor mate talks about and it’s a condition a lot of ADHD people struggle with. To put it in clearer words.

It’s in the inability to track time.

Days can go by, even years. And the person with adhd can be so hyper focused on one thing they lose sense of the fact time has passed and time can also move at a slower pace for people with adhd.

This will often lead us to waste time doing things that aren’t necessarily productive for our life.

The reason I bring this point up is because I believe this is another reason Richard thinks I’m borderline.

I was addicted to his comments and his channel and I think he saw it as some ‘ bpd obsession’.

The fact he said I have bpd in itself doesn’t bother me.

If it turns out I am bpd. ( I’m talking to a psychiatrist soon about it).

Then I am willing to own it and get the therapy I need.

I think , I’m more upset over the principle of what he did rather than what he said.

It’s okay for him to think I have bpd. But I don’t think it’s okay for him to say it on a video ( that he knows will be viewed by loads of people).

He’s not qualified to offer such diagnosis and if I go to a mental health professional and it turns out I don’t have bpd it’s a mischaracterisation of who I am.

If some random person in the comments said I have bpd it wouldn’t be much a big deal.

I think , I’m more annoyed cause Richard has influence over so many and he knows people take his words seriously often his followers take his words as the gospel. They shouldn’t do they should be critical of everyone but he knows they do. This also is because a lot of his audience idolise him unhealthily.

As I said, if he was the average person this would be different.

But because he’s a public figure who labels himself an ‘expert’ in cptsd.

I believe , this is very wrong what he has said.

I’m also under the age of 25 and he knows that so it’s not fair to give me a diagnosis that’s very serious lifelong especially if he doesn’t know me.

I would like to hear your thoughts…

Do you think my anger is justified or it’s coming from a place of past trauma ? .

I do worry he’s overstepping the line by saying something like that.

I also think it’s wrong for him to diagnose a lot his ex’s with personality disorders.

They might of been toxic I’m not denying that. But what if it’s not true. He can speculate for sure but with me he wasn’t speculating. He clearly said on the video ‘ she’s obsessed because she has bpd’ .

It wasn’t she might do or it looks that way. It’s ‘ she has’ .

dialecticalBehaviortherapy

I feel bullied by him and his followers.

Not all his followers some are good people like you and the other people on this forum.

I had one of his followers tell me when I was clinically depressed that ‘ my depression didn’t matter’ because I was being critical of Richard. So that probably meant either my mental health status was irrelevant to them or they perceived I didn’t deserve empathy. Either that or they were saying my depression doesn’t define me. I’m pretty sure it was either one of the first two options and not the latter because they were saying it as a form of insult.

I also had another send me threats. Which I will not say in this forum because I don’t wanna upset anyone with the content of the threat. Another took it upon themselves to diagnose me as a psychopath.

These are just a few toxic interactions I have had with his followers.

When I try and explain and defend myself my comments get erased.

One woman tried to reach out to me and give me support the other night only for Richard to erase her supportive comments and my replies.

I feel like , I hurt his ego with some of the things I have said to him. And rightfully so I know , I can be cutting in my words at times and that’s something, I’m working on.

I’m also working on my impulse control and thinking before I speak. Sometimes I just say the first thing that comes to mind and that can often come across wrong or be unintentionally hurtful. This happens especially if I’m angry or in an emotional flashback.

Although to be fair to myself , some of the things he got angry at were an overreaction.

For example I once said ‘ maybe Justin Trudeau isn’t that bad’ and he called me the c word for saying that.

Which I think is an over- exaggerated response..

I also think now he’s ignoring me as a form of punishment for my ‘ bad behaviour’.
When you said he makes people invisible , I think he does it on purpose as he’s punishing his own inner child indirectly.

I think you are completely correct about that.

I think the behaviour and imperfections in others triggers him, because it reminds him of his own fallibility.

He shames himself for his own problems or pushes his own issues away so then he proceeds to do the same when others express fallibility and vulnerability….

What is , interesting is whenever he does choose to respond to me , it’s highly disingenuous.

He will laugh and mock me and he doesn’t take me seriously. It feels incredibly invalidating and it hurts. I know , I shouldn’t get overly emotional about it cause it’s a dude on YouTube.

Maybe it’s because I feel his behaviour towards me is almost an echo of the past of how I was treated in high school, college and in childhood.

I do feel , scapegoated by him and mischaracterised by him and his followers.

It’s pushed me further into emotional flashbacks and abandonment trauma.

I often think if I wasn’t as out spoken then maybe he wouldn’t of reacted like this.

But it’s who I am. I don’t mince my words. Or walk on eggshells trying to ‘ say the right thing’ all the time.

I feel like he will not even acknowledge my existence or truly who I am as a person.

I seem to have to be what he wants me to be. And what his followers want me to be. I feel alienated and demonised.

And I might be unjustified in feeling that way. I don’t know.

It’s just how I feel.

Onnaloves

dialecticalBehaviortherapy fuck! I wrote a really long reply in support of your clear and well constructed arguments and distinctive experience that is a virtue and shouldn’t be dismissed by RG or his flying monkey comment parade. Then I lost it because my battery died.

So I’m going to re-read and try to re-present my support that qualifies and validates your experience and observations actually lean more towards the truth. You are not alone. I feel you too.

Onnaloves

dialecticalBehaviortherapy fuck fuck fuck! I re-read this last part of your post and I have to say I strongly feel in defense and support of your experience and sentiments and observations.

Ok so this is hard for me to articulate, bare with me and I will try to qualify my support of your feelings and why this strongly resonates with me.
The first thing I want to say is you are RIGHT to feel hurt, this is not an over-reaction, RG’s crowd is very toxic and I’m sorry to hear you became a target of that which I have seen myself in his cesspool of followers.

The truth his, he is in a big position of responsibility with his ego-afflicted crowd, and he is tripping on the flames of support by his own toxic followers. I have made a simple comment on one of his videos criticizing his behavior - and guess what - he deletes my comments.

This recent interaction of mine slammed my door on his authority and gross follower behavior which I picked up on years ago but couldn’t really understand.

I first came across RG 5 years ago or so looking for answers and “saving” which could not be rescued from on the path I was on. I don’t blame RG for any of that part, but that’s how I got sucked into watching him. I then suffered a massive and sudden cognitive decline as a result of CPTSD which left me no choice but to wake up and understand I had a pre-condition that made this happen, and no one could have stopped it. My breakdown would have occurred at some point, some time, because I have emotional incapabilities to react and be responsive, which festers like a wound in me until it destroyed clusters of insults on my brain. It literally “burned out” as could be seen on my MRI scan. Multiple fusiform lesions in symmetrical and RHS of brain were the result of over-amped energy literally frying my brain as all synapses went off at once in a series of emotionally triggered seizures.

Unbeknownst to me, I had become so emotionally toxic as a result of the final insult of CPTSD, and my inability to react to strong emotions and emotional balance forced me to re-write myself and understand my underlying neurodivergent traits that are compounded with behavioral (not emotional) neurosis. My inability to recognize my own emotional redlining could not be dissipated through the stranglehold and neurological limitations of my development, and the burnout patterns of high intensity recent lesions caused the sudden cognitive impairments along all the pathways I was already weak on. In essence, the lesions became a star map on my brain showing exactly where I was already in a neurodivergent development which enabled my CPTSD to really fuck with me and impair me.

Along the way of realizing these were in fact neurodivergent traits that had been there all my life, possibly shaped by generational trauma, and definitely inherited as the defense mechanisms passed onto me were documented as schizophrenia in my family. With a heavy dose of psychopathy added to the mix. I look to my mothers side, as her psychopathic neurosis is not behavioral or emotional but folded that way as who she is, and layered with emotional defense mechanisms that she no longer needs but at this stage of life doesn’t have great bearing for upsetting anyone else.

On my fathers side his sociopathic traits are a skill he definitely learned to master over the years, but he is incredibly smart and super talented. I am unaware of any real trauma in his life other than being a bastard child of aristocracy which is enough in itself to be a learned sociopath - IF the neurological divergences are strong enough to capitalize on sociopathic traits as a defense mechanism. In my fathers case, it wasn’t for defense, it was for manipulation. Manipulation skills that are so strong and believable, at this point has to be a hard wired neurodivergency I suspect is high functioning autism, with some kind of amazing cognitive emotional intelligence.

Imagine how manipulative one could be on a positive note if one was of really high emotional understanding. Yet completely shielded from the insults of emotion. This is my observation of autism (undiagnosed) co-morbid with some kind of cluster B.

My mother on the other hand with a whole documented mess of generational trauma on her side, I’m sure left a groovy pattern in our brains.

She has very little emotional understanding, and this has not left her many options in life when one socially doesn’t win anyone over. As a result I can see her neurosis for what it is without the veil of emotional behavior patterns, which leads me to believe in actual fact our labels are wrong, and matter less and less to me.

Which brings me back to RG and why does he make me so fucking mad. Well I think it’s the very nuanced understanding of neurodivergency he completely lacks. His short circuit jump to attacking his ex’s is rancid misogyny. And misogyny is a big trigger for me. I noticed he likes his ego stroked by his followers when they go on the war path for him, and this is unacceptable behavior for someone so socially responsible with an audience I feel he is to some extent brainwashing with his mis-beliefs.

His mis-beliefs being either misogyny or some kind of inability to really understand neurodivergency. I honestly feel as a person I’m so much command as he has, he has a responsibility to keep learning as even licensed therapists must keep up continuing credits in psychology due to its ever-evolving understanding of the way we work.

And RG in my opinion is lapse with this, to the point of being willingly ignorant. And willing ignorance just pisses me right off.

I do not like labels in general because this undermines our understanding of the relationship of neurodivergent tendencies for co-morbid destructive behavior patterns that are a remnant in themselves of trauma, and for some intelligent enough to capitalize on it, a kind of cluster B skill that they might just strategize with for life and after a while know no other way for behaving.

So RG falls into this category for me, who would be so willingly ignorant of divergent nuances? Unless they are emotionally deficit to the point where he has rolled in with his own cluster b tendencies that reek all over his social media. He’s smart - but not that smart as he is uninterested in considering those subtleties which is IMPORTANT if one wishes to up their compassion and understanding of cluster B, equal and in respect to neurodivergent tendancies.

For this reason, he falls in a very similar pattern to my mother - which feels like BPD cleverly controlled or reined in by some neuro divergence. I say this with good intent, but he is unwilling to have the kind of broader concern for people with real neurological traits that can be unfairly and improperly interpreted as cluster behavior like it’s a negative disease.

Fuck! I have studied this for so long only as a result of having the diverse access to a fucked up crazy family, and having the compassion and interest to understand each of them, as I believe the more one can relate to any of these labels, the less it matters and harms us because we can use this compassionate exploration to for the betterment of everyone.

Wait. Is that my communist Chinese manefestation LMAO. Also, seeing things through a multi-cultural layers raises one’s integrity more, and it pisses me right off RG talks about his Asian ex in the way he does with zilch of the right attitude for cultural diversity. Ooooh Yah I feel that trigger in me haha.

dialecticalBehaviortherapy

Onnaloves

Onnaloves

Also, seeing things through a multi-cultural layers raises one’s integrity more, and it pisses me right off RG talks about his Asian ex in the way he does with zilch of the right attitude for cultural diversity.

I have seen him do that to.

I have seen him refer to his ex as ‘ my Thai girlfriend’ it sort of sounds like he’s making a point of saying he’s associated himself with someone of a different cultural background. Something seems really “off” about that.

Why is the fact she’s Thai relevant to anything.

Referencing the fact she’s ‘ Thai’ could come of as quite disrespectful.

Is that what your talking about when you refer to him not having the ‘right attitude’ to cultural diversity.

I have noticed that to. But it’s not really outwardly offensive it’s more subtle.

It’s sort of objectifying and dehumanising to constantly mention someone’s cultural background when talking about them.

it comes of a tad dehumanising. I meen if someone said it once or twice that’s okay. But if it’s every time they talk about you. It would get kinda weird.

Like why is her background so relevant ? ! Because no matter what place on earth you come from or culture everyone has different personalities anyway.

I think it’s very subtle but I did notice him do that. And that’s just personally how I interpreted it. It might just be the way he talks. But I dunno I see your point completely.

Onnaloves

dialecticalBehaviortherapy yup I see it the same way. If he had said something like,

“Well they have a type of superstitious belief system that is equal to yet just as important as our emotional belief system” I could be okay with that. But he relates her behavior as though she was the bitch. Oh and you know, he was all emotionally distraught blah blah. (Victim and blame) I swear he did it just to point out how diverse and open he is to other cultures, but he is not.

My mother supplants her emotional belief system with superstitious belief systems. On one hand that could be a get out clause for emotional behavior, such outbursts being more normalized in our culture because we prefer (I’m only referring to my own upbringing, but very similar patterns I see in Chinese soap drama) anyway, Asian mindset puts less emphasis on individual emotions and therefore the fallout damage.
Instead, there is more emphasis on decision making and release of angst in the form of “letting the spirits decide”. It is almost parallel to hearing a Christian using the words “gods will”. And karma people going “what was meant to be”. RG displays no understanding of the context of emotional outrage across different cultures, different neurodivergencies and therefore different contexts of being able to process all of that. I for one simply CANT process anyones emotional outburst.

And TODAY I was attacked or being that stupid, cold, uncaring bitch. But you know, he is unaware that he is berating me and attacking me. Whose the bitch when I show no emotion and he is playing violent victim.

It would not surprise me if contextually, some cultures are just as deficit as I, and I do kinda go with the spirits kinda thing. I can’t explain it, it’s who I am no matter what logic dictates. It’s often a spirit thing in the end that makes decisions for me when I can’t process it normatively.

dialecticalBehaviortherapy

Onnaloves

oh I totally agree he was so doing it to virtue signal and pretend he’s multi-cultural or something. That’s what’s so disingenuous about it. He’s like using the minority’s to make himself look woke and inclusive.

Eeeek. What a shame. Oh well. I guess it is what it is. It took me years of watching his videos to realise the truth. But I guess better late then never. I will not watch them anymore. Waste of my time. I almost think obsessively thinking about your trauma , depression and issues all day makes you ruminate on it and makes it harder for you to move on. Sometimes I feel people should just leave the internet and go for a walk. Thinking about the past constantly keeps people hooked to channels like that for years and not moving on with there lives. Sad really. Gladly I’m young and still have time left. Imagine if you had this realisation when you were 55 or something. That would totally suck. I’m glad I learnt a lesson. Took a while but I got there eventually.

Onnaloves

dialecticalBehaviortherapy his snippets are useful but those are pretty generic common sense theories. Deef saved my sanity by condensing all the decent stuff so I wouldn’t go searching through all the obsessive Narc videos. Luckily it too, only educated me for about 3 months before I moved on and found other comparative healing reasoning.
I think so much more recovery and health can be protected if we do the hard work ourselves, and really figure out what our own neurosis are. That’s hard to do unless one has someone berating them and triggering them every day for either experience training or getting a fucking grip before sinking back into old ways. Speaking of. I need to go offload

dialecticalBehaviortherapy

Onnaloves

thanks for chatting. I’m glad we could share experiences. I don’t often open up about my struggles online. Lot’s of love. it means a lot that you can relate. I’m taking a break from the internet so unfortunately , I will not see you on here. we could add on social media if you want. And chat from there.

redred6005 is my name on Instagram. Feel free to add me. If you want. Obvs not real account but it’s just another way to talk.

dialecticalBehaviortherapy

Zoe I didn’t , ‘not care’ and disappear of Instagram. I thought are conversation had ended since you didn’t reply to my msg for weeks on end. The Instagram account I made was blocking up storage on my phone and because I thought are conversation was over because you didn’t reply so I deleted the account. I left the live stream cause I got really sad because it’s totally untrue what you are saying. And I’m exasperated, like Richard Grannon you seem to wanna find problems with me all the time. Nit pick and pull me down. Why you would wanna do that I don’t know. I don’t know you and have never even had a real conversation. I just think tonight was petty. And I left because I didn’t wanna engage.

. … I thought we were on good terms. It just makes me sad.

Elven

dialecticalBehaviortherapy I never said you deleted because you didnt care. I just noted that I forgot to respond, and then by the time I realised I didnt send the reply it was gone. I thought you got banned tbh because of your typical internet patterns.
I wasnt putting blame on you.. I admitted I was the dumbass that thought I responded and didn’t actually.

dialecticalBehaviortherapy

Elven
You strongly implied that it’s because ‘ i didn’t care’ on the live stream tonight. And at that point I got sickened of and left. It hurt me.
I think I’m an honest person who’s trying my best to navigate my own issues.

You don’t even know me so how can you jump to the conclusion that I don’t care.

I feel like you have a chip on your shoulder cause I dissed RG or something. Because you have to bring up my ‘ internet behaviour’ all the time. I know you like Richard Grannon , I don’t. But can we not agree to disagree.

I never heard you admit you were to blame on the livestream tonight. If I did I wouldn’t of left. Unless you read out what happened after I went.

dialecticalBehaviortherapy

Elven

You did, do exactly what you just said you didn’t do.

It’s on video , you doing it. How you can deny that I don’t even know.

THANKS for making my already poor mental health worse.

This was one of the only online community’s I found connection in.

I’m done for now - Bye

What a petty shallow person you truly are.

Trying to bully someone and pull someone down who you know is depressed and wants die because , I shared my vulnerability’s in the post I made and I talked about my struggles with depression in the post.

You are a little liar and a flying monkey of Richard Grannon.

The truth is you hate me because I came after your idol.

Do you realise , he would turn on you as quickly as he turned on me if you started to call him out. His freindship towards you is superficial and fake. He likes you because you compliment his bpd ego. And hero Worship him. He would do a 180 on you in 5 seconds and ignore and block you like the rest of us. If you actually called him out on his bad behaviour.

Your wasting your time as much as I was when I used to think he cared about people.

I also think you are also jealous of me because , I’m younger then you are , I just get that feeling. And you want to be the ‘ main one’ in the group. Like a lot of BPDs do, they have this thing were they wanna squash any competition because they have to be the centre of attention.

And you have been trying to pull me down and project onto me your own borderline personality disorder for a while now.

Despite the fact you don’t know me and have never met me before.

But frankly you have shown me enough of who you are for me , to want to know you.

But I see right through you and your games.

I’m not having you bully me anymore.

So I’m going away for a while to get better from my depression.

And when I come back I will tell the truth about people like you.

You say you don’t wanna be ‘ demonised ‘ for having bpd.

But you act nasty towards others and then expect them to like you.

How can I like someone , who has tried to mock my vulnerability’s but yet gets offended for me demonising BPDs.

Yes you should be demonised, if you go around behaving like you do. And so should your bpd overlord Richard Grannon.

I was gonna rise above this because I was like what’s the point. She will just misunderstand what I’m saying anyway. But for once in my life. I need to fight back. I cannot just sit here all apathetic and think I have done myself justice.

You know Deef is correct to a certain extent about me and my personality. I do come across un- passionate and like I don’t see other people. But I think it’s because I have unexpressed anger by all the times I have been not seen myself so I have to emotionally blunted myself in order to not be hurt again. I think I have repressed my anger. So when he said ‘ do something else’ maybe this is exactly what I should be doing.

FIGHTING LIKE HELL.

Why you have to be nasty to me and try and tear me down in one of the most vulnerable moments of my life.

I don’t know.

maybe you are fragile , jealous and petty.

You completely lied about me blocking you on Instagram because apparently ‘ I don’t care’ when in reality it was you who ignored my message.

You claim you did it accidentally. I’m not sure. If you did.

I feel like it was some self-created situation were you could claim ‘I victimised you’.

And make a big deal about it on the live chat.

In order to turn the group against me to further establish your place in the group.

Your just as much of a bully as Richard Grannon.

Why you would wanna pull someone down when they are at rock bottom.

You don’t care at all.

Yet you say , I don’t care.

But you legit heard deef read a paragraph of me describing how I’m struggling with life and depression. And you sit there fking laughing at me. That’s bad.

I thought I could be in a place were i could just come and be open and be myself. But I get labelled as something I’m not. Yet again. It’s just like being in rgs comments 2.0.

don’t pull someone down when they are already struggling.

There is no sympathy or care there at all.

I wanna see the video so I can show it to someone in my life who cares about my mental health and see what they think.

Your a bully. Just like RG . You have taken a dislike for me as an individual from the start.
You came around and were nice at certain points. And I really appreciate that.

But you became very upset whenever I said anything about Richard.

You were incredibly arrogant and rude to me from the moment we hit paths in deefs comments a while ago.

I noticed you apologised to deef and not me for your behaviour despite the fact I was also on the receiving end of it.

But hey I didn’t say anything at all about it because you apologised to deef and I didn’t wanna bring old stuff up again.

So I left it in the past.

Yet you wanna make a point of me deleting my Instagram as an example of me ‘ not caring’.

Can you not see how hypocritical that is.???

You wanted me to get angry. And here I am and I’m raging. It’s okay though, because those in this group who can see through the lies and bs.

Will see , this exactly for what it is. Why will deef not share the video. Because it would show you doing these exact tactics towards me on the video.

Especially at the end of the video. The start was okay. But you got progressively more unreasonable towards the end of the video.

That’s the point you started to lie about me. And getting your phone out and stuff. That’s the part I’m upset about.

The truth would be revealed if I could show others that part of the video. The bit before I left at the end.

Your intimidated and scared of the truth and it coming out.

And it will come out, just a matter of time.

I was suppressing much needed anger……

Now it’s out. And it’s only gonna get worse for Richard Grannon and people like Richard Grannon.

I reckon Pierre is even gonna out Richard soon. I think they have fallen out because Richard’s a borderline.

Pierre is tired of him to. Hopefully Pierre will find the strength to speak up. I know he has a platform. And I don’t mind Pierre yeah he’s egotistical but I think he’s a genuine guy underneath it all. if anyone will tell the truth it will be Pierre.

He’s an Aquarius like my self and we have zero shame he will not be worried about calling out RG.

We will just say what’s on are mind unfiltered. Just wait until Pierre finally cracks. He knows what person Richard is but he was so brainwashed by him like the rest of us that he is now trying to come to terms with the newly found truth himself. He’s probably somewhat in denial.

So you better get ready to attack him , elven when he starts speaking up. Because I think it’s undoubtedly gonna happen.

Richard keeps on deleting the comments about tentacle crossiant.

That’s because they might of been lovers and now they could have broken up or something. Either that or Pierre has found out the truth.

He’s fallen out with Douglas Murray as well. As I believe Douglas no longer followers him on Instagram.

It’s all to bad for poor Richard Grannon but I have no sympathy for him after what he has done to others. In many ways this is karma. Maybe he will finally learn something by losing everything.

That’s something I had to learn. I had to lose everything by trying to win approval of an unreasonable person like Richard Grannon for years and I lost myself and myself worth in that.

I thought these online community’s would help only to realise they are infiltrated with narcissists and borderlines.

That do nothing but re-traumatise survivors.

Hopefully when I make my own YouTube I can share my experiences.maybe I can make my own Meetup for trauma survivors.

Also I’m not saying everyone in this group is a narcissist some seem like genuine people. But some are. That makes me sad because I thought I found some place were people would understand only to get laughed at and mocked. I have completely lost myself in this online stuff.

dialecticalBehaviortherapy

_I felt like I couldn’t do right from doing wrong.
I’m gonna leave this community. I’m hurt , I really thought maybe I could get the help and guidance that I need.

I felt overpowered and frankly like I couldn’t do right from wrong on the live tonight.

Even when I said ‘ i don’t understand’ it was seen as some problem.

You may be trying to help. But you could go about it more kinder way.

i wish , I could of stayed in this community longer. But what happened tonight just made me wanna leave.

You may think my opinion is wrong.
That’s okay.

I wish everyone the very best in life and hopefully I can sort my issues out and get better.

I think , I thought you guys were genuine and you wanted to help. Maybe some people in this community are. I just didn’t see that tonight, I just felt bullied.

I wish , I had a copy of the video to show to some people i know to get an alternative opinion or to show to my therapist.

I was genuinely confused and you were making out it was because , I had some inability to care about others or see other people… I just don’t get why you did that.

Maybe you were trying to probe me into an argument or something purposefully. Or make me angry.

I don’t know what your intentions are.

I’m not sure if there honest or genuine.

Tonight started of okay and you were helping me and at one point I nearly got the courage to go on the voice chat.

But by the end it turned pretty sour and frankly weird and I couldn’t even grasp what was going on at all.

I was just reallly confused as hell….

I’m sure most humans would be if they watched that video.

Have a good life , all
the best wishes goodbye._

dialecticalBehaviortherapy

Were is the video from last night is it archived I wanna re-watch it. I wanna see what happened and if I misunderstood something or you guys misunderstood something. I was legit half asleep while on the chat. So maybe I could of missed something. I am upset about how it went. So I wanna re -watch it to se if I missed anything.

kairina

It sounds like there has been some disagreement in the group. Hope I’ve done the right thing joining up 😕

Deef

kairina

The forums needs a bit of disagreement to keep from boredom… you’ve joined with this recent uptick..
a good amount of this is excess noise… that may be a bit difficult to sort through..

here’s a clue:
excess words on words….. tends to be a monologuing stonewall defense…

hmm….. unusual how your ip address is similar to another user…
I wonder how accurate geo location is??

Elven

Deef Funny that. I had sneaking suspicions aswell. I was going to ask if you had ways of knowing if the accounts could be connected.

dialecticalBehaviortherapy

Elven

yes the accounts are connected that’s my mum. If you wanna speak to her. She will come on the zoom on Saturday. You can explain to her the so called ‘evidence’ you have on me.

I deleted an Instagram account. That’s one good piece of evidence.
I got upset that you laughed at a post that I wrote about me nearly losing my life. And ranted at you because of it.

That’s another good piece of evidence.
oh another one, you accused me of pretending to be my mum on a different account. When it was actually my mum. Another good piece of evidence.

What other evidences do you have ? You can display them all. To my mum. If you believe what you are saying is true. Then tell it to my family. Maybe they need to be warned to save me out of my terrible doomed syzoid existence. You can list down all your so called ‘evidence’ and present it as a Venn diagram.